I've had a painful few days and they don't seem to be letting up. Yesterday I needed to go to a public health facility to pick up medication and I was there practically all day. It annoyed me and bored me. I chose not to take my work laptop incase anything should happen to it, I would be held liable for a replacement.
Technically it was deemed as a sick day and I got a note to that effect for my manager, but when I finally got home afterwards, I opened my work laptop and my heart sunk to the floor.
Flooded inbox with what seemed like ten million urgent requests. I dealt with the ones that were most catastrophic and I left the rest for today.
Needless to say, I wasn't feeling so good through the evening and fatigue seemed to creep into me which I couldn't shake. Resignation to the reality that nobody actually cares if you are ill or dead - you need to check your inbox and make a plan.
To shift my focus, I decided to read. Something that generally tends to take me away from the reality of what life is right now, to another place and I can just switch off for a while. Yes, shoot me for enjoying escapism when I can.
I start reading and all is well and then BAM! I read something that slapped me in the face and stomach so hard that I literally felt physically ill. I tried to logic it away but it wouldn't leave me. Mull it over, mull it over, mull it over some more.
Eventually I decided I would rather just sleep, knowing that tomorrow would be another day and a fresh opportunity to shake off last night and a clean slate to start a day with motivation, ambition and a will to get shit done.
That worked to a degree but I still didn't feel quite right. I decided that treats were in order and so I bought myself a custard tart (or three) and I ate some chocolate in the hope of it making me feel better. I also made some strong coffee and bought an energy drink just as a little booster. Then I delved into work mode, shut everything else out and narrowed my focus to my deadlines. I ticked so many boxes today it's not funny. My manager was so happy. I took my lunch much later than usual (3pm) which I have at my desk anyway and I started reading. Sometimes I don't learn.
Needless to say I read something else that just completely threw me back into turmoil and I felt all my energy drain as if I had just gone grey.
I was all out of custard tarts and my chocolate stash lay as empty as a prostitute's shallow heart. Let's just say that I'm looking forward to sleep, knowing that perhaps tomorrow I won't be as stupid. Doubtful, but possible. At least I'll have a shit ton more work to delve into and get out of my head.
When life gets you down, what methods do you use to perk you up again or does it slide like water off a duck's back? Let me know in the comments.
All images are my own unless otherwise stated
