Each week I keep a journal entry reflecting on things I've learned about myself as I break through my depression and C-PTSD trauma. Often I capture my thoughts in poetry.... sometimes dreary, sometimes wistful.
As a writer, there's always an inclination to be more introspective than most and there's the added layer of metacognition. My goal is always the same though, to share words of wisdom I may have picked up, and to share in a thoughtful, creative, and inspiring way to hopefully encourage others on their own path of mental healing.
Time As a Broken Promise
Inhale and exhale time,
Someday everything dies.
We beg, barter, borrow,
For the broken promise of tomorrow.
But if that promise comes true,
We've another day to make due,
Or beg, barter, and borrow,
Until joy loses its sorrow.
I wrote this poem while reflecting on a core wound I recently became aware of. My core wound of feeling not good enough. Some of us may feel defective, others may feel abandoned, and others may feel trapped. My wound has always been loud and clear: I've never felt good enough for anything. Whether that's being good enough as a daughter or as a romantic partner.
I found this unhealthy thinking spiling over into different areas of my life including work, friendships, family dynamics, and most significantly in my relationship with myself. While I kept wanting others to treat me like I'm good enough, in hopes that I could finally feel as though this sentiment was true, I realized this was unfair of me to outsource this very big responsibility and expect others to carry it. Now I'm ready to show up for myself and to stop letting time pass me by.
If feeling not good enough happens to be your struggle too, give yourself permission to reframe your thoughts and participate with time to move forward and love yourself.
Here are some prompter questions I got from a therapy exercise that's helped me on my way...
I'll close with a couplet:
Loose pieces of time, loose pieces of time.
Keep healing these loose pieces of mine.
With love and healing,
Elan M. Carson
Author of The Willow Tree & The Millennial Mentality
TEDxCrenshaw Speaker
