The first few dates are often for getting to know the other potential partner. Most people prefer to let out the skeletons in this time.
For amputees, they have the problem of knowing when and how to raise the subject of limb loss and prosthesis. It could be very intimidating to bring this up to a new admirer or a new person you admire, even for the most confident amputee.
I have a beautiful 24 year old friend and patient who lost a left leg below the knee in a road accident at age 19. She is a fashion designer and a model, and she loves to party and dance. We will call her Amaka (that is not her real name. Though I sought for and got her permission to share her story, I deem it necessary to conceal her identity).
I recently had a discussion with her on how she introduced her limb loss and prosthesis to her boyfriends. In this post I will share her experiences.
Amaka regained her mobility and independence with a below knee prosthesis after her amputation. Because she had been an outgoing social kind of girl, she was not afraid to keep meeting new people. She told me she dated the “most handsome guys” still.
Now, for sake of emphasis, Amaka is stunningly beautiful, petite and has slightly bowed legs. Yeah, she would attract a lot of admirers.
“There was this other boy I liked,” she told me, while we were having a discussion about what time in a relationship she introduced her prosthesis.
“I bumped into him at a birthday party and my friends gave me some crazy advice to walk up to him and tell him that my leg was aching and I needed his help.”
“He took me to a quiet place where I pulled my prosthesis and he helped me adjust my liners, then I wore it back and we returned to the dancing hall where we danced together and exchanged contacts. In the morning after the party he sent me an sms: You’re a beautiful, sexy robot I will love to date, your confidence emboldens my heart.”
To Amaka, that was as straightforward as it could get.
Being a teenager makes hooking up a lot easier, but as you grow older dating seems to be a little more complicated. I mean adults care about a lot of things. Amaka told me when she is on a date with a potential partner and he swiftly asks the common question “tell me about yourself,” she doesn't go about her limb loss just yet. She only brings this up when the guy notices the prosthesis. Maybe she was limping, and he’s like “what’s wrong?” If it doesn't happen, she waits till she feels it is the right time to introduce it.
Positive attitude and good self esteem emboldens amputees to go ahead and try to get the best partners. This describes my friend and patient, Amaka. She told me of another home run she hit.
“I was at Light House Karaoke Bar in Lagos when this cute, tall guy with great build came up to my table to ask if he can sing and dance with me. I later got to know he was an M-Idol model. Not long we started dating for about a year. My leg wasn’t a turn off for him. He was just very cool with me,” narrated Amaka.
It is normal that people are of different characters, as everyone cannot be like the M-Idol model. In a dancing school in Lagos, Amaka found a man she considered her heart throb: he was handsome, funny, strong and everything she wanted. But the day the man found out she was using a prosthesis, he fled on a journey of no return. The relationship had a blackout.
Amaka felt rejected and powerless after the incident, and thought she would never date anyone again. “I was thinking I would marry him. Sadly though I never felt confident enough to tell him… until he found out.”
Amaka recounted she found it easy to forgive him because she believed he was scared and didn’t know how to manage her disability. She, at this point, began to face the realities of how limb loss was likely going to affect her relationship with men.
“I stayed eight months without dating, spending more time with friends. I devoted to my passion in fashion designing. I took a lot of theoretical and practical trainings, I was involved in many fashion shows and exhibitions, my design gallery and clientele base grew and I made some strong connections with great people in the fashion industry. I only lost a limb but I didn’t lose a life.”
I could see a resolve as she breathed a bit heavier as if to give credence to her claims.
Today Amaka has a Higher Diploma in Fashion and Textile Technology at the Yaba College of Technology in Lagos. She has a large clientele base and connections in the fashion industry.
“I am more beautiful than before and I look forward to becoming Africa’s best Celebrity Designer.”
Amaka started dating again but was still unable to get over her experiences in the past relationship. She found it difficult to trust her new boyfriend, she said.
“I was really afraid to tell him that I’m using a prosthesis. Memories of the past mistake haunted me, but I stuck to my guns and waited till I felt right about it.”
The relationship went on smoothly with a lot of outings and dancings, and after about three months the affair was beginning to get intimate. Then she decided to tell her boyfriend about her limb loss and prosthesis.
She said after he kissed her one day, she took his hand to feel her leg. He wasn't scared or turned off, but rather asked her, “why are you just telling me?”
“I answered: I was scared you will run away.”
Amaka’s boyfriend was very supportive and cool with the fact that she had lost a limb. It wasn't her fault, neither did it make her any less human. He encouraged her and was solidly behind her.
Amaka’s negative feeling about her stump has been her greatest fears and insecurities. About the stump during intimacy with her partner, she said “it looks ugly and rough and I always have my stump socks or liner over it. I usually don’t remove my prosthesis during intimacy with my partner, as I feel more comfortable and complete putting it on. I hope to do without it in the future, though. I just need some more assurance and confidence around my man."
Amaka is really working hard in building her body image and self-esteem. She is looking forward to a time when she will be comfortable allowing her boyfriend to caress and massage her residual limb.
Any man who is interested in Amaka must be able to accept her limb loss and prosthesis, she said. In her usual humor, she added: “Men must understand that I have a lot of surprises other than my leg. There are many things in me that are different from normal; so if you can’t handle the one you have seen, then you can’t handle the rest.”
I intend this piece to raise a discussion among my readers. What would you do if you found out your heart-rob is wearing an artificial limb? If you are using a prosthesis, it would be nice if you can share your experiences in line with the topic.
I hope you enjoyed reading this one. Do have a lovely weekend, Steemians. Remember to upvote, resteem the post, and maybe follow me for more.
Video of the trial fitting and gait training session with Amaka
¹M-Idol is a modeling agency in Lagos
Cover Image, with permission, from Pixabay
