God does not reward me for all of the times I have slept on an empty stomach. God does not reward me for all of the times I have stood in the rain as I had no one to give me a shelter. God does not reward me for all of the times I have been slapped as I looked like a strange man. God does not reward me for all of the times I have been hurt because of the choices I have made. God does not reward me for all of the times I fell in love and have been destroyed because of another’s feelings. God does not reward me for all of the times I have received strange looks as people try to figure out if I am a boy or a girl. God does not reward me for all of the times I have been humiliated in front of all people and all of the hatred and contempt I endured. God does not reward me for all of the times where my life was brought to an end due to the actions of another. God does not bless me with his presence. And does not forgive me for all of the things I have done in my life. God does not reward me for all of the times I have been bloodied due to a mistake I made. God does not forgive me. God does not truly bless me.
God made me a son and a father. God made me a son and a father. God made me a son and a father. People consider me to be a son. But I am not the son of God. I am only the son of an Indian man, who I have come to call Him.
I hate the husband God has made me. I hate the son God has given me. I hate myself. I hate my father. I hate my mother. I hate my uncle. I hate the blood I have. The blood of my enemies flows in my veins. There is no one to take revenge on. I was born with them, God simply made me a son. I tried hard to kill my uncle. He was the father of my mother, who I love more than my mother. I am failing God by hating his son. God is not punishing me, but it is God I am punishing for what he has made me do in my life.
I am very shy. I am very shy. I can’t talk.
I sit in the corner of the room and I cry. You will say that this is silly. You will say that this is not correct for me to do. You will say that this is not the way of being saved. But I am crying now. I am crying now.
I am not an idiot. I know I’m showing you my face after a 3 years but this is the only face I have and this is the only way I can show it to you. I will not show it to you unless I have to. If you want to speak with me and I am not ready for that, just walk away. If you’ve come to talk to me, I will get ready for it.
I have so many things to say and I don’t know if I can. I can’t tell you what I have gone through. That’s what I want to tell you today. My story is different from your story. My story is different from my neighbour’s story. My story is different from your story. My story is different from God’s story. I am Shyam Kumari. I am a transgender.
Transgender means a person with a gender identity or gender expression that differs from the social norm for their assigned sex. Only recently, in 2013, the country’s Supreme Court declared transgender a natural gender identity, and directed the central and state governments to recognize them as a third category of gender.
My name is Shyamam Kumari. Who did you call? This is my name. What an ugly name. “Shama” is a name for girls, she is a girl, who are you? I am not someone’s daughter, sister, or mother. Why do you call me that? Who did you call? My name is Shyam.
What do you want? Where do you want to go? Why have you come? Are there any other places you have to go? Oh, it’s been just a few months since a man in the village hanged himself. He was a good man, but he became a threat to his family after he developed a relationship with a transgender in the area. He was married and had a family. He was a good man. But he was a good man.
Shama, I have some questions. Is this safe?
I have no answers for you. I have no answers for you. I have no answers for you. I have no answers for you. I have no answers for you.
I do not want to speak. I do not want to speak. I do not want to speak. I do not want to speak. I do not want to speak. I do not want to speak. I do not want to speak.