Today my sister was going through all of her old school files. She found this business letter that she wrote in 8th grade. It is so funny, I decided I should share it.
Dear Mr. Sizskolopi,
Mr. Lopezi told me that you were looking for a sales clerk at Sizskolopi & Co.
I'm 20yrs old, single, currently unemployed.
I speak English, Bymanees (a language me and my siblings made up), Rymanees ( a dialect of Bymanees), and Chang Wang (a code language that me and my friend made). I'm also constructing another language with my other friend. I can't read or write English, but never fear I can read and write both dialects of Bymanees, also I'm great at Chang Wang.
I have lots of experience selling merchandise. Last summer, we sold lemonade at my friend's lemonade stand. We sold it for a penny per cup and we were pleasantly surprised to find that we had sold it all in 5 minutes (we're quite the businessmen ain't we?). Right now me and my siblings are trying to sell 3 homeless cats, we're not having as much luck this time, but never fear I'm a great salesman!
I can only work on Mondays from 12:00PM-2:00PM, Tuesdays from 8:00 AM-1:00PM, and Fridays from 1:00PM-3:30PM. I need a salary of at least $1,000 dollars per week.
Call Mr. Lopezi if you want my services because I don't have a phone. I do have an e-mail, but you'll have to send it on a Sunday before 7:00PM, because that's the only time my Mom is around, she'll have to read it to me, because like I said before I don't read English. I've put my resume below.
Thanks in advance,
Dudu Mode
Signature:
Name: Dudu Mode
Address: 1111 Lala Land, Paris, France.
Nationality: Russian, Ecuadorian, Israeli, Iraqi, American , Dudunese.
Languages: English (native language), Bymanees (fluent), Rymanees (fluent), Chang Wang (fluent), Russian (2000 words), Spanish (973 words), Hebrew (654 words), and Arabic (20 words).
Education: I can read and write Rymanees, Bymanees, and Chang Wang. I can add and subtract, but I can't multiply or divide, but I can do some Algebra as long as you don't multiply or divide. I went to school and graduated when I was 16. I also went to college for four years and studied English. I'm currently going to college part-time. My plan is to be an English teacher.
Experience: I've been to Russia, Ecuador, Israel, Iraq, Iran, The United States, The Czech Republic, Peru, Australia, Japan, China, and the Moon. I've never held a job before, although I've applied for multiple jobs (I guess nobody appreciates my skills). I learn fast and I'm very intelligent.
I've sold lemonade, marbles, and cats. I'm a hard worker. I get up at 10:00AM and work till dinnertime.
Advantages of hiring me: Multilingual worker in your business, a dedicated student of proper English, hard worker and early riser, professional advice on cats and lemonade.
Disadvantages of hiring me: none!
Image source:
https://www.pexels.com/photo/yellow-notebook-on-the-grass-6176/
