I was still very young, probably 19 or 20 at that time. I was helping a lady manage her lab with no payment. We had agreed that she'll teach me how to run lab tests and in return I'll work for her for free. I had graduated from secondary school and had nothing to do at that time so I agreed. I trek to work everyday, I stay hungry all through the day except if I've eaten from home, and she only taught me for a week and that was all. It wasn't a burden to me at first until one fateful day.
On that fateful day While trekking to work as I often do, a lot of thoughts started to run through my mind painting before me the picture of a loser. It was so real that I could feel its ingenuity and why the voice inside of me was right. I started to see how my dreams can't be achievable and how I had no hope left to try. This experience was scary, it was something I've never experienced till date. It was like something sinister was inside of me , speaking directly to my very soul. For the first time, giving up looked like the best option among other things.
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I wasn't seeing only my failures , but also the possibilities of not getting out of it. At that moment I couldn't boast of #5 which was the minimum currency with no value in my country, I wasn't getting new knowledge from what I was hoping to learn, I only worked for her for 2 years with the knowledge I was able to acquire within the one week she taught me. The voice not only showed me this, it painted how sweet suicide could be and for a moment I believed it and was having the thought to take my life since I already saw how worthless it was. It was on that day I knew why people easily take their lives without a second thought.
Getting out of it was God Grace, just when I felt like the voice within me was winning, I leaned closer and heard a softer voice that asked "after giving up and taking your life, how does that solve your problem and that of others who believe in you?". The more I listened to this soft voice, gradually the veil that seemed to have covered me was uncovered giving me more reason to try again. The final word that helped me stand on my feet was "life wins you twice when you give up" and that has become my anchor whenever I have the urge to let go.
