A young man suffering from demonic possession - along with bearing the mark of Satan - used a circular saw to sever the blasphemous limb from his own body. Once the unorthodox exorcism had taken place, he then took his severed hand, cooking it in a microwave on full power.
It was around this point where the young man took the opportunity to apply a tourniquet and contact the emergency services. On connection to their help desk, he eagerly detailed his triumphant defeat of Satan using nothing more than a power tool and a microwave.
While the young man was deemed insane by local specialists, The Vatican seemed to think otherwise. Most Catholics suffer extensive levels of stress, particularly when dealing with The Beast. So in a bid to boost morale, overworked Catholics are willing to give this crazy thing a try.
According to a third party report from The Vatican; “Using a microwave to defeat The Prince of Darkness has never been something we’ve given a great deal of thought to. But now that we have these tools at our disposal, we can expect a drop in stress levels and hopefully, a rise in productivity.”
Hollywood producers are also hoping to cash in on the young Idahoans discovery. Films such as The Omen and The Exorcist may all receive a complete revamp. New scenes may be produced simply to reflect spiritual accuracy and modern cooking equipment.
Gone will be the days of stabbing Damian Thorn with rusty knives acquired from some weirdo in Medigo. Five minutes on high power should sort him right out. As for the Bible, forget it. When it comes to dealing with evil forces.
