So this is an excerpt from one of my ramblings back in 2020, when everything was under a severe lockdown due to covid, and I was on the brink of losing my mind while being cooped up. I've gone off about thing(s)(!?) in my journals that I'm really passionate and desperate about. And now, as I read back on them, they just sounds plain childish of me :3
But hey, lockdown did make people do stupid things. And I guess this was one of my stupid things. I did plenty other more, and as I skim through my docs of 2020, almost all of them are making me cringe.
Ahh.. The things desperation pushes you to write.
P.s: the thing I rambled about, I did manage to get my hands on that in about a week or so, so honestly, all these 'agony’ induced dialogues of mine were just pointless. I forgot all about it as soon as my fingers landed on the thing. And it's only now that I'm visiting it once again, cringing all the way.
Enjoy…!
25th April, 2020.; 9.54pm.
Every night around 12, some unforgivable bastard out there smokes a cigarette around my building.
He most probably lives in one of the apartments near mine, and every single night, around 12, the little shit walks to his balcony, lights one up, and smokes his lungs away. The problem does not lie with him smoking, no. The problem lies in the fact that when he does so, the smell comes in right through my window, just to torment me and my very existence.
Now, I am not a person who lets myself get attached to many things. It's a practice I tend to avoid, because the second you get attached, the ultimate result always is you missing it once it's gone.
The ultimate solution to this is to not get attached and live a happy, independent, attachment-free life. Which is the ideal situation if you ask me. After all, all life ever does is give you things and take them away right when you are not looking.
So it has come to me as a shock how much I made myself depend on something so small as this little burning stick. Because right now, I am ready to lay down my blood for that one puff of heavenly death, and that's really something. I might even write sonnets about it at one point if this keeps going on.
I sometimes wish the world would change after this covid situation blows over. That after this shitshow is all done, we will all walk out of our rooms with no prejudices and no judgement; just a better understanding of how short this life really is, and how precious the world is to be so hung up on stupid social norms and barriers.
I want to see people celebrate on the streets, wrap each other in tight embraces, laugh and dance and do whatever the fuck they desire because, damn, haven’t we been through enough already? We already tried being locked up, for fucks sake. So, what's the point of freedom, if you can't breathe when you are outside as well? It makes no sense!
But as always, these are just wishful thinking. People in this world would instead give away their souls rather than their prejudice. After all, the world was never a shit show in the beginning. The world was just that, the world. It's us who made it a shit show. Colouring it with things like racism, islamophobia, the class system etc. And as the days pass, we just keep on making it worse, add chapters over chapters into this never-ending drama. When will it end? I wonder!