Why does it feel like I'm dragging myself through sludge some days? No matter how much I sleep I still feel like crap. Of course I have been told to hydrate more. That might help. I hydrate with bourbon, or tequila, or beer. Sometimes all three. My therapist says I don't meet the definition of an alcoholic. His drink of choice is vodka. As versatile as it is, I'm not a big vodka fan. It's boring. You add it to a mixed drink not for flavor, but for alcohol. I drink for flavor. And hydration.
Big changes are coming to my life. The entirety of the last year or two has been changes. This change promises to bring some stability to my life. While I am optimistic, I am also terrified. This change partly violates my own principles. Of course my principles were thrown out awhile ago, and partially beyond my control. Things I once held as simple facts, now I doubt. We live in a ridiculously complicated world, and while it's nice to think we have all the answers we really don't. So I'm embracing change and testing principles, because why not?
Betrayal has become a theme lately. It makes it difficult to trust people when those close to you commit horrible acts against you. I guess I still trust, but I don't get emotionally involved. People are merely a part of my life, not a necessity. I don't expect betrayal but I'm not surprised by it. Maybe that's an awful way to live, I don't know. I got fed the "you're unhealthy" line so much that I'm not sure what "healthy" is. Wanting decency, love, and respect from someone is apparently "unhealthy". We should expect nothing from anyone. I vacillate. I think most people are bundles of emotion. Me? I'm just a lump.
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