Jumping down from the striped octopus,
she caught her reflection in the mirrored center console. Her smile was plastered on, but appeared genuine enough. The dark circles were darker, though. Blue flashes from the horse's sapphire eye splashed across her face, temporarily distracting her from the trilling sounds of the caliope, steadily winding down. While the ride was in motion, the giddy music cast a spell over its riders but slowing to a stop, it seemed to trigger sadness with its sharp tones and flat moans.
The sun backlit his silhouette, hiding his expression. From experience, she knew his emotions would be hard to read, but his insistence on riding again would belie his passivity.
"Wanna go again?" he asked tentatively.
She turned away, looking in the direction of the rollercoaster. Contemplating her answer, she tugged her gaze away from distant wooden slats, and regarded him silently.
"Do you? Want to?" again, he asked, quietly.
"Did you even like it, Paul?"
Clenching his jaw, he sighed. "It was fine. My horse is still broken, and the left stirrup pokes my calf." He looked back at her with haunted eyes. "But it's my favorite ride."
Her heart contracted painfully. For a moment, she wondered why the physical organ responsible for pumping blood through her body, would also be the source of emotional pain. Why did heartbreak really need to feel like a heart-break?
She loved him, so she would be gentle this time. "You could always choose a new horse? We could go into the pumpkin carriage together? The second level has cars that spin!"
"But I've always chosen that horse." He smiled, pointing down to his leg. "See? I even have a permanent scar from where the stirrup scratches. He's not perfect, but he's mine."
He would never choose anything else, if she continued to climb aboard, cycle after unending cycle. Fear prevented him from leaving the carousel, but fear also prevented her from leaving him. It would never change unless she changed it. Around and around, going nowhere fast, their lives would forever be tied to those damn painted horses unless she stepped off the platform. It was ten inches to the ground, but it felt like the longest leap of faith.
"I'm going on the rollercoaster, Paul. Wanna come?"
Features frozen in beautifully chiseled angles, he called her bluff. "Nope. I'm getting another ticket for Pablo, here." Lovingly slapping the horse's stiff neck, he smiled, silently willing her back to his side.
It had worked for two years; it should have worked now. Instead, Carla walked towards the exit, knowing what this would mean. It wasn't just a difference of opinion, or a preference amongst carnival attractions. It was a fork in the road. They were too different. She couldn't live her life, unable to feel the rush of the climbs and the freefall of the descents. She couldn't let his fear immobilize her too. If he chose to stay, then so be it.
"Carla!" his voice rose an octave, realization sinking in. "The lines are - what? At least an hour long. Just stay here and we can ride right now!"
Stopping amidst the sea of people pushing past her, she inhaled deeply. Memorizing every detail of that moment, she recorded the sun heating her left cheek, the particular pitch of teenagers squealing, the acrid smell of burning popcorn. What random facts to associate with the sting of separation. Turning back a final time, she extended her hand, begging for more than a partner to share a coaster seat with her.
"Come with me?"
He considered it. She could sense the battle being waged, evidenced by the slight back-and-forth shift in his stormcloud eyes. Swallowing hard, he said goodbye. "They're too scary."
Unshed tears sparkling in her eyes, she accepted his decision. "Sometimes they are, but that's part of the thrill, part of life." She stepped through the turnstile, pushing past the bars, and headed towards her new ride.
Walking across the park, she sobbed. Had she chosen wrong? Did she push too hard? Would someone else be more his speed? Maybe lead him away to a less anxious option? She knew she loved him but doesn't love challenge? Or was she just justifying her own desires? Did she really want more for him, or herself?
Her mind continued to debate turning back to choose the carousel existence for eternity with him, or set out to face the troughs and crests of daily life alone when she felt a hand slip into her own and grasp hard.
Anxiety coursed through his body, making him clench tighter than he intended.
She flinched momentarily at the pain, and then returned the fierceness of his grip, both riders holding onto each other for dear life.
"Alright then, Miss Carla, do I have to raise my hands and scream like all you coaster fanatics?"
Butterflies swarmed in her belly, flapping their wings up through her ribcage. Her knees threatened to buckle as relief flooded her body. His love steadied her, warmed her, reassured her. They locked in step, side by side. Radiating joy, she quipped, "Not until the fourth time."
Helping you connect with MORE readers through DreemPort!
All DreemPort images property of DreemPort and designed by the amazing 