This is 2025, and if you told someone just 30 years ago that there would come a time where you would be able to talk to someone miles away through video chat, they would have told you that you watched a lot of science fiction. But today, we hold virtual meetings, we now work from home, and we are able to connect to a lot more people than we could ever have dreamed of.
Paradoxically, we are a more lonely generation. Loneliness has somehow become the defining crisis of our modern lives. Nearly one in three adults worldwide report feeling lonely. And loneliness was declared a public health epidemic that is as deadly as smoking 15 sticks of cigarettes by the US Surgeon General in 2023.
The selling point for most social media apps is that they would bring people closer. To an extent, it would be difficult to say that they haven't met that promise. However, the question that we should ask is, how did they do that? Through Facebook, Twitter (X), and Instagram, more people are meeting more people in a world of performative intimacy. Yes, we are meeting more people, we are having more likes and followers, we're forming more connections, but we are forming fewer deep and fulfilling connections.
We have replaced heartfelt conversations with transactional interactions. We trade likes, emojis, etc., with one another in order to satisfy our dopamine urges, but our emotional needs remain largely unmet. Our endless scrolling through engineered pictures and fabricated lifestyles has served to fuel our sense of insecurity, leaving us naked and a ripe target for the wolves of emotional wreckage.
While in school, we were taught about something known as a triangle lifestyle. A triangle lifestyle refers to a person whose life revolves around three places: home, school, and probably church or mosque. Some people replaced the church or mosque with clubbing. The idea was that everyone had at least three places where they shared a significant part of their lives.
Sociologist Ray Oldenburg coined the term "third places." It described the physical places outside of home (first place) and work (second place) where communities gather in an organic manner. They could be churches, libraries, parks, cafes, etc.
We are now losing these third places because we are turning to more urban designs and prioritizing profits over people. We now have remote work and digital isolation (why meet up in person if we can always meet on Slack?). And because we are seeing a lot of horror movies, that includes kidnappings and rapes, there is a heightened fear of strangers, leaving us in a primarily distrustful state for casual interactions. Everyone is on edge and wary of starting up a conversation with a stranger.
Loneliness isn't just about being alone; it is more about feeling that you are not being seen. With social media, we are all encouraged to put out a version of ourselves that is not authentic. So we are not vulnerable on social media. We are afraid to admit that we are struggling, bored with life, or need help. And it looks like the more we embrace social media, the more digital versions of ourselves we create... creating a vicious cycle for ourselves.
Technology connects us, but it also gives us permission to hide.
The only time that you and I will be able to overcome loneliness is when we are no longer hiding. We can only overcome loneliness by being vulnerable as our true selves, something we cannot do on social media today due to the multiplicity of personas.
COVID-19 didn't create loneliness; it has always been there. However, the lockdown seemed to pour gasoline on already burning coal. It normalized isolation, and hybrid work blurred boundaries between professional and personal life. Many people never fully relearned how to relate with others after that.
Now, it is really difficult to find people who are not exhausted by small talk. Most people are now straight-to-the-point kind of people, and if it can be done online, then most people will do it online. People now find it extremely difficult to face others and own up to their shortcomings. People would rather cancel plans via text message than show up imperfectly.
Well, the lonelier people are, the more prone they are to mental health issues. People who are lonely are more likely to be depressed, suffer from more anxiety and panic attacks, and are unable to function properly as time goes on.
More people are committing suicide today than we have ever had in the world. More people see less reason for living today than they did 20 years ago. Children are struggling with addictions, depression and anxiety at a very early age and grow up to be very damaged adults.
The loneliness epidemic requires systemic and personal adjustments. However, I will be talking about the personal adjustments that need to be made because I believe that if the personal adjustments are made, they can go a long way in instigating systemic changes.
Try some more analogue connection. Instead of sending rapid-fire text messages or typing endless emojis, try using handwritten notes, try phone calls, and try the best one of all—a face-to-face conversation.
You might want to join a club, one that is offline. Book clubs, volunteer organizations, etc.—these will force us to show up as humans and not as avatars. If there is no club around you, guess what? You can create one yourself and get people around you to join it.
You might want to embrace the awkwardness by sending the first "Want to grab a coffee?" text without overthinking it.
Set digital boundaries—you might want to delete the apps that drain you. If scrolling through Instagram leaves you empty, then delete it. You should keep only tools that will help you foster meaningful interaction.
Instead of scrolling on TikTok late at night, how about calling a friend?
We have built a world optimized for convenience, not connection; efficiency, not empathy. But we are resilient. By prioritizing *presence *over *performance *and *depth *over dopamine, we can discover the irreplaceable magic of being truly seen.
The next time you feel lonely, remember that you are not really craving more followers on TikTok. You are craving a hand to hold, a laugh that is in sync with yours, a silence that does not feel heavy, a smile that will brighten your day, an ear that would listen to you cry, a shoulder that you can lean on. That is not too much to ask—it is the very reason why we are here.
Thumbnail was made with canva
