Maya Angelou wrote this about what her grandmother taught her about complaining:
Sister, did you hear what Brother So-and-So or Sister Much-to-Do complained about? Sister, there are people who went to sleep all over the world last night, poor and rich and white and black, but they will never wake again. And those dead folks would give anything, anything at all for just five minutes of this weather that person was grumbling about. So you watch yourself about complaining, Sister. What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Don’t complain.
Such a simple idea, and one I’ve heard in one form or another many times before. But I had a problem with it. If I stopped complaining about the weather, what am I going to do with all of that free time? I liked it when the seasons changed because each one gave me something different to complain about. Too hot/too cold, too rainy/too windy. Just like Maya Angelou's grandmother's complaining customers.
When I started thinking about that I realized I already had a good role model to follow in Moses, the manager of the convenience store down the street. He never complains about the weather. When I went in there and started complaining about how hot it is today he would smile in the friendliest way and say, “I like the heat! It doesn’t bother me!” Wait a minute. He said the same thing about the rain, the cold, the wind. He likes all the weather! How can that be?
I thought about it more. Complaining had become a very bad habit for me. So many things to complain about! But of course it is so much easier, so much less effort, to complain than to actually change anything.
I had another good role model, a friend who refused to gossip. It took me longer than it should have to notice this because she never came right out and said, “I don’t want to talk about that.” She just very gently changed the subject to something else. Just as things were starting to get juicy, suddenly we were talking about another subject altogether! When I finally did notice what she was doing, I felt ashamed of myself. I had to do something about this!
It really was as simple as changing my attitude. Simple, not easy. I wanted to be a happier person so the complaining had to go! I paid attention to my thoughts and words. More awareness, less judgment. It wasn't an overnight transformation. It was like breaking any other bad habit and replacing it with something new, something better. And yes, it was worth it. Yes, I am a happier person now. Perhaps even a kinder person, to others and to myself.
If all of this hasn't convinced you, let's look at how Maya Angelou concludes her story:
Whining is not only graceless, but can be dangerous. It can alert a brute that a victim is in the neighborhood.