This is not a very good picture .... this is depression. This is my kid kissing, the arm of my wife when she goes to sleep. My wife doesn't even know this is happening, she doesn't even realize the love that is coming from her kids. Because she's not OK, maybe she's depressed, maybe she has borderline syndrome, maybe she has a burnout, we don't know.
All we know is that this has a mayor effect on our life. This is not a post to complain. This is just me letting off steam. I'm at wit's end after 2 years of this ... I cant't even remember how I functioned before.
I lost 30 pounds of weight (the good thing is I kind of needed to lose this weight ... but that's the only good thing!) ... in the last 6 months because I don't feel like eating a lot, because I only want the best for my kids, for my wife. This is taking me great pain and pride to write this. But I can, probably because I know that not a lot of people will read this, if any. It just feels good ... to touch the buttons on my keyboard, and write this out.
Don't feel sorry for me ... shit happens. But never assume it won't happen to you, because that is what I did. I can happen to you ... I let me tell you it will seriously fuck up your life! And not in a good way. In no way am I depressed, I am just DONE. So if there is anyone reading this, tomorrow I'm going to the doctor at 10:15am ... And my message will be I'm DONE! I can't work anymore for a while ... I'm just done! I will never leave my wife! I will never leave my kids! That's just not who I am ... I just need some peace.
So there it is ... talking to strangers ... telling you I'm done ... And I can only tell that this shitty picture says it all .. it'l love, it's despair, it's everything to me