He stared at her face awhile. It wore a cloud of regret. He looked away.
"You regret this?" he asked almost in a whisper.
She turned to look him properly in his eyes. She looked surprised.
"Of Course I do!" she blared into his fear.
He felt the hot tears rush to his eyes. But wasn't he the man? He was supposed to make her cry, and not the other way round. Furious at himself, he blinked back the tears.
"Why?" he managed to ask.
She dropped back into the folds of their sheets and writhed.
"Oh God, Oh God" she kept on saying, till her voice broke into a sob.
He took in to long and heavy draughts of air to calm himself. He had to be patient. She'd already shattered him. What was the rush for. He would only end up losing every piece of himself.
"I...... I wasn't supposed to do this with you." She sounded vague.
"What do you mean?" he returned, his voice, under control.
"I'm sorry" she said and hurriedly got up to look for her panties.
He didn't stop her. He only observed as the sleek curve of her back bent gracefully towards earth. She was beautiful, he knew that. Her long hair, which was darker near her forehead, and grew brownish as travelled towards her neck, waved zillions of goodbyes to him. A terrible foreboding drenched him. He felt as though if he let her go, he'd never see her again.
He got up and, putting on his "banana republic" boxer, he sat upright at the edge of his bed, facing the door post. Her phone rang as the bedpost came alive with Bruno Mars' "Treasure". His eyes caught the name of the caller.
"My Love", it read.
He looked away again. She'd calmed down considerably, almost fully dressed with her velvety, purple dress hanging just above her knees. She'd known who the caller was. He could tell because she'd made no attempt to pick.
The strong urge to apologize possessed him but it defied all the tenets of manliness his head taught him. He almost let himself down.
"I'm s.........," he almost said, then caught himself.
She didn't even turn to look at him as though she did not hear. She was almost done.
"Nonsense! Get yourself together man!" someone in his mind berated.
"You're such a pussy" another said.
He shook his head to free himself of them, then went over to the his table and fixed himself a tumbler of Baron he kept for his friend.
She didn't even say goodbye. She just grabbed her bag and was on her way out.
"Marie," he called, when she was at the door.
She stopped. He heard her draw her breath sharply.
"I don't know if I'm sorry", he said.
"You shouldn't be" she told him, then made to open the door.
"But you do know right?"
She hesitated.
"Know what?"
"That meant more to me than you think".
She wilted and turned, then rushed over to him.
"Fred don't. Freddy... Freddy... Don't!"
"Don't what".. He said dryly.
"You'll only hurt yourself Fred".
He scoffed.
"What do you care huh? Its my cross. Don't carry it for me - I don't need your help".
She bounded to the door. Facing it, she spoke what she meant to be her final words.
"You know have someone already Fred. And he's your friend. Don't' do this to us"
"I had no one Marie... You should have thought of that before doing this to me"
She fought back the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes.
"I didn't do anything to you".. She protested.
He twirled the tumbler in his hands, watching the golden liquid play around its walls.
"Yes you did... You made me love you... "
His voice came out softly, and pierced her heart like a dagger.
" So what now Fred," she shouted, turning to him, "what now? You're going to "fight for me?"
She stressed the words to make sure she communicated the stupidness of it clearly. He dropped the glass. His feet geared towards her. He held her waist.
"I won't fight for you. I'll just..... love you"
She faced him again, squarely. Her eyes probed deep into his soul.
"Do you even know what you're saying", she said, tears in her eyes.
His response, was to carry her, without any qualms back to his bed. It was a rough path he'd chosen to tread. His motion inside her told of his story. The story of a man who was willing to get hurt, loving till his heart burned to ashes... Painful, painful ashes...