It certainly did a number on my psyche. It felt just like this photo. The sands of time weren't flowing. Don't get me wrong, the days were passing, of course. However, it seemed as though the days, that turned into weeks, that became months, were...seamless. Like it's been one really long, never-ending day!
"Why is today different, Jane?"
That's a good question.
Yeah. It was exactly like that for me.
My safety net of predictability was gone.
Pulled right out from under me.
I would spend the next few months in terror.
"What the hell are we gonna' do?"
I wondered aloud.
I cried all the time. More so than my usual.
My daily schedule was upended. Replaced by even more CHAOS than ever before.
What, when, where, how and who were no longer guarantees.
It was misery. Exhausting. Scary.
The hubs, after almost 3 months, finally nailed down a new job!!
I happily bound out of bed this morning, made coffee and breakfast, and shuffled him out the door, on his way to a new venture!
This is just my experience talking here, but it seems to me that the head of household being unemployed, and home 24/7, is extremely stressful to the familial status quo. After a few months home all the time, I was seriously contemplating divorce. Or homicide. (I'm kidding, of course. If you knew my sense of humor, it'd be obvious.)
Well, he wasn't home ALL the time. There was that 10 day stint he did in the hospital. But the recovery period from that event was ROUGH!!! I was angry at what I perceived at his "taking too long" and "laying on his ass, asleep in bed all day long".
Well, I wasn't wrong. It's just, the way I handled it was.
And I thank God for that.
I feel like I can take a deep breath, once again.
Recharge, regroup and return.
AHHHHHH!!!
(update: chatting with BFF presently. Giggles)
It may sound like a real bore to some of you more adventurous types, but I like the stability of a schedule.
I tend to go off the rails without it.
I'm so relieved, that I can start to put the puzzle pieces of my life back together.
I really was headed for a nervous breakdown, no joke.
Of course, getting back on track will take some time, just as careening off track and coming to full-stop did, though hopefully, it won't take as long.
I'll be posting more frequently, chronicling the events as they unfold.
Thank you all for the outpouring of love and support and prayers you have given to me, and my family.
You Steemians truly are wonderful people!!
I love you all!
If you enjoyed reading, please consider upvoting, resteeming, and/or adding your voice in the comment section.
(insert custom disarrangedjane logo here)
(all images: credit source: pixabay.com)
~Jane
