"the heart is always the temple of foolishness" I thought to myself as the excruciating pain made me whimper and fold under my duvet. My pillow has suddenly turned my best friend, taking in all my tears and sorrows without complain.
Three years of dedication and selfless love, lost in a matter of few seconds. My efforts trampled upon and erased without second thought. How easy it was for her to just up and leave without giving us a fair chance at survival.
Does it mean that all what we shared meant nothing to her? Was I just a lengthy fling, kept for comfort till the arrival of the real deal? Did I do something wrong? Am I not good enough? These are the new sounds in my head, creating an infinite loop with no end in sight. Ella was my love, the girl of my dreams, the one whom my world was built around.
Now that world has crashed on me, and my dreams have turned to nightmares. "Dee, I'm sorry, it's not you, it's me" she had told me "but I love you just the way you are" I had tried in a futile attempt to change her mind. But then she had insisted that we part ways, because her parents won't let her marry an Ibibio man, and that she was betrothed to royalty in her tribe.
Does culture matter more than true love and happiness? Was she lying to me all these while? Did her words mean nothing and her promises hold no water? A new symphony was gathering pace in my head and it was beginning to make me drowsy. That was when my stomach rumbled to remind me that I've not had anything in about two days. So I stood up in an attempt to get water.
But I did not see the need to satisfy the stomach when the heart is aching. I did not see the need to pacify the flesh when the spirit is broken. Crumbling like a pack of cards, I fell on the bed again and the river of tears billowed. How was I going to face the world without my queen? How do I move my head when the neck has been cut off? Another continuous loop.
At this point I started wishing that I never fell in love, that I never opened the doors to my vulnerabilities. I wish that the thoughts of my brain would've overrided every feelings of the heart. But reason had fled me and I had dived heads on into the sweetness that has only led me to this doldrums.
Just when I was to pour the next wave of tears, faintly my eyes fell on the portrait opposite my bed. "every low is an opportunity to attain a new high" the portrait read. With a faint heart I medicated on it just as I dug my head into the pillow. Few minutes later I could feel myself drifting.
Partly conscious, partly adrift, I convinced myself that tomorrow will be better. I will leave the sorrow of tonight with tonight and hopefully, I'll be ready for the world tomorrow. I won't let the ugliness of a few ruin the beauty that exists in the world awaiting to be experienced and enjoyed. Dear tomorrow, I'll be ready for you.
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