I have actually been living the life for some time though, but I just thought it's pertinent I make a public and official declaration of my affinity with feminism. Being a very vocal and dedicated member of the woke generation, I cannot be left behind or be caught being archaic in my ways and operations. So this is me declaring that I'm a feminist.
So let's say I'm in a bus and a pregnant colleague boards but there's no place for her to sit, it is now in my place not to be a gentleman. As a feminist I can't insult her sense of value and independence by making it look like she cannot handle herself. She has to stand, after all she even needs the exercise, I heard it aids childbirth. Goodluck colleague!
And if you piss me off, you can bet that I won't just walk away. I'mma rap your head off with my tongue, saying hurtful things to you, pushing you around with my boobs and daring you to touch me. After all, that's how God created us. And you dare not try to touch me, cos I'll sue you for domestic violence and make sure I take half of what you own.
If you're a broke girl, please stay far away from me. God did not create this gorgeousness to come and suffer in a woman's hand. How are you even going to take care of all this beauty? I might not have achieved anything with my life, but I deserve a baby boy's treatment. I was made to be pampered and if by any chance you're no more capable, I'mma move to the next.
I'm woke and I can't be living like it's 1920, pretending like you can't do the menial jobs. "hello honey" I'll call you from home while you're at work. "honey I was watching my favorite show when the power went off, please can you rush home and put on the generator for me?". And if you try to argue that you're busy at work, I'll burst out crying and accuse you of not prioritizing me.
On the flip side, yesterday as I climbed an avocado tree, that's when I realized that I was ahead of my pears. So I ate their brains out and told them to rub the oil on their baby faces.
Sorry for the interruption, I'm still woke, that's why if we make love and I cum before you, then you've done a good job. But if you cum before me, you're not woman enough and I'm never sleeping with you again. I can't be dating a 2 minute woman.
And when we go shopping at the store, you can be sure that you'll hold the cart while I pick the groceries. You'll then make the payment and load them in the car trunk while I fiddle with my phone, taking pictures and making videos of how good you are at shopping and pampering me. I'll then giggle at the amount of likes and followers I'm accruing on social media. I can't be doing domestic jobs while my followers are thirsty for my drip.
Anytime we're going out, you have to wait for me to finish wearing my socks for like 15 minutes and knot my tie for like 20 minutes. How can you be angry that I took my time to be beautiful for you? Is it not better that you be late and miss your appointment than for your husband not to slay? Please if you're angry, you can go alone even though I've made you late already. Don't stress me please.
I'm a woke and dedicated feminist and will do anything to further the feminism course. We must make sure that there's equality in gender roles. Our women can't be made to continue to take the back seat when it comes to roles. They have to take masculine responsibilities and enjoy the same life privileges that men enjoy. Selah!
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