The world frowns upon murdering your significant others so we must do something worse to get rid of them.
Breaking up is where humanity is at its worst. One might suspect that Eve was trying to breakup with Adam, and everything went downhill.
Many weak souls have chosen marriage rather than breaking up. Which means that these five minutes of misery are worse than a lifetime of despondence.
But, luckily, I can always misguide you.
1- It's not you...
it’s me-ow- A twist on a classic, in this you bring along a cat that is having a bad fur day. Blame everything on the cat. The menacing cat will make this encounter short.
2- I need space...
cookies to deal with your drama. If you're willing to fund a cookie a day, Imma stay.
3- We're both looking for different things...
you're looking for a normal person to settle down with and have children. I'm looking for the guy who stole my Tamagotchi in the summer of '96.
4- I'm not ready for commitment...
although the mental asylum has been trying to catch me for 6 months.
5- I need to focus on my career...
the crime rate has gone down way too much since I've been with you.
6- I'd like to just be friends...
with benefits. My dental plan is really messed so I just want to piggyback on yours.
7- I just don't feel the spark...
and as an arsonist that really bothers me.
8- I don't want to settle...
down, buy a house, get a mortgage, have kids, get another mortgage, pay off one mortgage, send kids to college, get a mortgage again.
9- knock knock, who's there?
not me.
10- Can I borrow ten thousand dollars?