Back when I was in college in the U.K. at Demontfort University it was commonplace to end an evening of drunken revelry by stopping at a particular kebab/pizza shop on the way back to our flat. This particular kebab shop sold a perfect range of greasy, delectable drunkard food and stayed open until the wee hours of the morning specifically to cater to the hordes of drunken students. It was perfectly located on a direct route from the pubs and clubs of downtown Leicester to where the majority of student housing and flats were located on the other side of the University Campus. The kebab shop was named Pizza King, which we always found hilarious because the majority of items on its menu were kebabs, burgers, chicken, fries, and the like. There were 4 or 5 pizzas on the menu that for the most part we studiously avoided ordering. Until about 2/3rds of the way through our second year we were finally poor enough that we found ourselves ordering food from Pizza King occasionally when we WEREN'T DRUNK.
The food was cheap. 3 pounds would get you a burger and chips. Sometimes even shelling out 3 pounds was a financial hardship but we did it anyway because we were students and most of us couldn't cook to save our life. One of my flatmates managed to burn boiled eggs. Not joking.
At first we stuck to tried and true items like burgers and kebabs that were really their area of expertise despite their Pizza King name. Eventually we got adventurous and started to explore their menu of artery clogging delights. As finals week approached and much of our drunken shenanigans were put on hold in favor of studying we ordered pizza's from them at last.
Perusing the menu one of my flatmate's made the misguided decision to order what was without a doubt the strangest pizza any of us had heard of. I think he might have been a little stoned after a hard day of studying. The pizza in question was labelled "The Contradiction" and the name alone had been enough to tempt this particular flatmate several times throughout the year. The list of toppings on this particular pizza included stilton and brie and bleu cheeses, bacon, mushroom, and onion.
He ordered it with glee as soon as they answered the phone.
"I'd like your finest Contradiction please!" before listing off the other more standard orders for the rest of us. The food arrived within about 20 minutes- our flat was only about 500 meters from the shop.
Opening the box was like a stink bomb going off. The unmistakable odor of stank cheese and kebab shop filled the flat in seconds. The rest of us left him in the living room with his Contradiction and moved to the tiny concrete back garden so we could actually enjoy our food. When we all headed back inside the smell was still overpowering. He had eaten less than half of a single slice. And slid the box under the door of his least favorite flatmate... who was out of town for the weekend.
The stench lasted through finals week even though the Contradiction was promptly discarded when the flatmate returned on Sunday and stepped in it after unlocking his door.
We never ordered from Pizza King again due to the trauma.
This is not an entry to my A tale of two $PIZZA's contest but is an example of a valid entry!
If you'd like to win some $PIZZA check out the contest posting here:
@dibblers.dabs/a-tale-of-two-usdpizza-s
