Fifteen years ago, I looked at myself in the mirror.
She stared back at me. The beautiful little girl, sometimes mistaken for a doll with the perfect smile. Her braids styled in pigtails. Her long white dress, the extension of how pure she was.
She had a good life.
With just a little watery eye and pouty lips, she got everything she wanted.
Her steps were filled with confidence because she knew ahead of her, compliments like, you are so pretty and I love your hair awaited her.
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Ten years passed and the confidence in her stride slowly reduced. Now she wasn't so sure of those compliments but unlike before?...
She craved them.
A single smile in her direction was enough to fill her with life all through the day.
It didn't matter that her parents said to her everyday, Claudia you are a beautiful girl.
It wasn't enough. She needed more people to tell her.
People that didn't really matter.
When she stood in front of the mirror, I would stare back at her.
The smile was still there but gone was the vibrance that came with it.
She would look back at me, with shining lips and painted eyes, a mask she put on, to impress everyone. We both would think the same thing.
"You don't need to do all these."
But neither of us ever said it to the other.
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Four more years flew by. More compliments came but she secretly hated them because they weren't the ones she wanted to hear.
Another layer of the mask was added so no one ever saw the real her.
But I did, every single time I stared at her, I saw her.
The smile was lost, all vanished into nothingness and when we were all alone, when it was only only the two of us, away from the world, I would say to her, "Fake it until you make it" and in return she would plaster a fake smile on her face, suck in a deep breath and then together we would go and face the outside world.
"You are going to be fine"
"Don't let them see the real you"
"One day, you will see that all this was just a phase."
Everytime I stood in front of a mirror, these were the words we exchanged.
Trying to justify the emptiness we both felt.
The most scary part was, sometimes when I stared, I didn't recognize her.
No matter what we did, people always talked but then that was just life, you can never stop the whispers, some of them so loud that all you want to do is shut your ears for the rest of your time.
But it was okay because no matter what happened, I knew one thing, I could always look at her and she would be the one person that would never judge.
Like I did everyday, I cleaned off the layers and I stared but there was something different.
Her eyes held pain mixed with the what I feared the most judgement and I saw the question, "Why?" in them.
We have always been one so I didn't need to ask her, I knew exactly what she was thinking.
"Why do you let yourself take their hurt?"
"Why don't you ever say no?"
"Why do you let them take so much until you have nothing else to give?"
"Why don't you want to be happy?"
For the first time, I let her see my pain. As the tears flowed down, I knew I couldn't do it anymore.
I had to pick up the shattered pieces and somehow find a way to piece them together.
She looked at me, sharing in my pain as the tears also flowed down her cheeks.
A year later, I stood in front of the mirror.
She stared back at me with a smile that made her eyes wrinkle at the sides.
Her braids were down, her eyes bright like the sun, the layers all gone.
I stared and all I saw was me.
The girl I always wanted to be.
"Hey", I said to her with a smile.
"Hey", she replied with the same smile.
We both laughed even though nothing was funny.
My eyes traveled to the side table that held all the items that intricately designed our mask.
I raised my eyes back to look at her and it was undeniable, she was perfect just the way she was which only meant one thing.
I was perfect the way I was and now, anytime I look into the mirror and she stares back at me, there is a smile because we know.
That beyond a doubt, we are happy.
