If I am to compare myself to who I was yesterday, I guess I can say that one of my greatest self improvements is being able to live quietly. As someone who is neurotic, diabolic, and opinionated on anything that matters, living quietly has never been my goal all along. YOLO and FOMO. I wanted to be always on the move and not missing out on anything happening. I always have something to say about everything. But then gradually I've realized that this kind of life is exhausting. As I get older, I've learned how to tend to my own garden.
Let us cultivate our garden. - Voltaire
I mean let's face it, it is hard to stay mentally balanced amidst chaos. As soon as you open your social media and news apps, you're bombarded with everything ugly about this world. No matter how hard you try to separate your personal moods to the conditions of the polarized social media, you can't help but blurt something out, as if arguing and spewing vitriol on the internet will change anything. It is just this constant need to satisfy our ego.
But what does it mean to tend to your own garden? It means learning how to mind your own business. Easier said than done. Everyone wants to matter these days. As we become more socially isolated, people want to matter by getting some attention from random strangers on the internet. It is easier to insult, fight and be savage to people we don't really know personally. I doubt if we can even say those mean things we post online to someone in person. We can probably change our source of dopamine hit by focusing on our own activities and accomplishments instead of trying to win arguments. Arguing is such a waste of time, I know this very well after having wasted so much time and mental energy proving my point and catering to my own ego. The better alternative is to just mind my own business.
I used to be a vocal critic of the society and people in general but over the years, I've learned to keep a good distance between myself and the world. It is easier to get suck into all the shit that's been happening around us. It is easier to whine and blame other people for our own misery. And it is easier to believe in evil than in God. It is easier to see the bad in everything because good things don't leave scars. Maybe I started out as someone who deeply cares about other people's misery until I learned the hard way that they don't really care about mine. As soon as I got out of "the club" and choose not to wear the same uniform, I'm out. I don't matter to these people anymore. And when I find my own path and excel, there's jealousy that I have be wary of. Lately I keep saying, why should I love those who didn't really love me back? Why should I help those who didn't really help me out? And if these people hate me (mostly out of their own insecurities and intolerance of my individuality) then why expect more from me (like fight or defend your rights)? I can give bare minimum (to be less diabolic) or not give anything at all (if I am feeling diabolic). It just baffles me how the world expects you to be unconditional and sacrificial until all your precious energy's depleted and you no longer recognize even your own self. That you cannot even think for yourself anymore. Clearly, some clear boundaries must be defined here.
It is not easy to get out of the victim mentality. Victimhood is disempowering. It is a good thing to care and acknowledge anything that needs to change, it is one thing to dwell on bad things. Not everyone is evil. These were hard wired to me, "why bad things keep on happening to me?", or "why people are mean?" Sure, hardships come to all of us, everyone feels oppressed in some way. Then we base our beliefs from these "lived experiences". We choose our own poison. And it is difficult to remain optimistic after everything that's happened to our lives. But then I realized, I need to be kind to myself this time. Because I owe it to myself. This is my one chance in life. People can stay or leave, but I will be grateful if they stay with me. I cannot demand them to live according to my own ideals, and just the same way, people cannot demand me to live according to their ways. Everyone's free to live their truths. And everyone's free to change their beliefs just as I've changed mine (hint: red-pilled). The only thing that is within my control is the way I think.
We may not be in ideal situations or we're probably working the jobs we hate, but it does not mean we can't be in control - of some things at least. We can control our own attitude. And if we are wise enough we can even turn things around. We can find "loopholes and workarounds" in the system so we don't get to be the victim of our circumstances. And choose to work and live quietly instead. I mean the force is all-too-powerful out there, what can we do for now? Do you have better options aside from whining and trolling on the internet? For example, we can max out whatever we can get from our job at the moment so sooner or later, we can be financially free and live the best of our days. We can choose not to be bothered much by people' opinions and bad takes. Fighting and resisting can cause damage to our own mental wellbeing anyway. When we can just keep ourselves busy, tending to our own garden, so our minds won't be perpetually haunted by anxiety and despair. It is better to accept the lessons we've learned from having lived a hard-fought life and finally settle to living quietly. And no, this is not a hopeless resignation, this is just choosing what will be good for us in order to survive and thrive in this chaotic world.