Great work
@diabolika, you continue to show your skills and everyone sees your value and shares their appreciation for the work you're doing. Keep it up and you'll make XYZ company one of the best in the industry. You're highly regard for your work ethic and demand for perfection and process improvements....
Hey guys you are not hallucinating. And this is not my narcissistic take on my latest performance evaluation. What you read is just the overall comment of my boss (ha ha ha I know right? You thought I'm the boss but you're wrong) absolutely no edits I promise! I mean edited some names due to the confidentiality agreement but yeah that is exactly it.
Ever since I've become a money machine, I've been working nonstop and disassociating myself from the unnecessary emotions I have to feel in real life. And as a result, I've gained intense focus and total concentration on my goal.
But what is the real goal here? Is there an end to all of this? What have I become?
What costs me to get to this point?
Last time I remember, I was telling my best friend about this new job. He was so happy for me. He was a believer. He used to tell me that I could achieve anything I set my mind to. And he was right. He was right until the day he died. Sometimes I still think that this job put a strain in our friendship. I need to forgive myself soon or I will degenerate into this one hell of a diabolic bot.
I know. I've become an extremely self centered person now. Because why not? When you can no longer believe in a perfect world where people help and want the best for each other. When there's nothing else but social media making people less caring and unemotional. And when you can no longer depend on anyone but yourself, you become like this. Like this diabolika person that I am right now. The diabolical straight A for Alpha who gets what she wants when she wants it, and will wreak havoc if things don't go her way. And who will probably hurt anyone that gets in her way. Because there's no compassion there anymore. There's no moral compass that keeps the balance in that so-called freedom. And if you ask me? Do I like what I've become?
I'm not sure anymore. At this point, I've kind of like changed my master plan. I used to want to settle here in this beach town and take care of chickens, the not so noisy ones, and have cats and books, you know, the whole simple life idea. And because of the recent unfortunate life events, I had a think that maybe, just maybe, this life is not what I want after all. Maybe I need to move. And move. And move again because the "great affair is to move". If I will feel lonely and empty then I might as well move around and experience different places and people than be stuck in the same place until my dying day. Because anyway, my friend is dead and as far as I know, the rest of my friends are dead too. Like too preoccupied in their own affairs family and stuff. I think that's the real selfishness. I thought me and my best friend were the selfish ones because we had nothing else to worry about. No families and big responsibilities. But now, my friend was the real selfless one because he had time to care about others. To care about his friends and help them when they are in need. To care about me.
My friend won't be able to visit me and see what I've earned and accomplished so I might as well just live in different places and experience exhilarating change. At least in the future. For now, I must be able to keep my "money machine mode" as I aim for this future life while enjoying this moment at the same time. The exact reason I have this "Me Nest" (
Perfection is the enemy of good
It's funny because I got my second A performance from my boss and I feel like I still demand for perfection. I mean there's no higher than A. That's it I'm the alphaest of the alphas already and I don't mean to make it look like I have a grandeur image of myself... lol. Don't get me wrong, I am just trying to understand why I am this craaaaaaaazy.
Now if you ask me, is it bad to demand for perfection? Yup, sometimes, especially if you slash people that gets in your way and I don't mean for that to sound in a diabolic way. I'm nice tho...
But you know, my best friend knows, it's all for the good. So keep calm guys.
I don't know where I'm gonna get from here. Am I gonna become a better person by the time the master plan happens or I'd become crazier and more diabolic than I already am? Who knows? It's the journey.
I figure I won't have a normal holiday again. It would be as usual - alone and cold... says the cat below.
The real alpha - Diablo the cat