Most of us can see life through rose-tinted glasses, this is how we cope. But when you're living in the dark for a long time, it's hard to force yourself to see the light. This is actually what I am feeling most of the time. But well, the only good thing after a grueling week is that here I am, still living.
Still living through the pandemic times, at least I am not alone here. Isn't it all that matters now? Being alive seems to be a great accomplishment these days. Being alive is what we should all be grateful for.
Oh hello guys you there? Let me stop for a moment and notice that the world doesn't revolve around me. How's life treating you all? I am glad that you guys are still here putting up with me.
But gawd, I feel like I am one missed paycheck to being homeless. Don't we all wish we can just live in a van or something? And say, to hell with all of it let's just live here.
Work's fine if you ask. Another thing to be positive about. I mean you know, it pays the rent and Diablo's (my cat) well-fed. Diablo yeah, another little thing to be positive about. Okay fine, another thing to be positive about is that there are a lot of things to be positive about.
But then let's not forget those days. Those days when you are gripped by feelings of anxiety, uncertainty, and fear. Who said that we suffer most from our fear than from reality? That is actually me most of the time. I've been living inside my mind for the longest time. My imagination is killing me when I am alone. I fear that one day, I won't be able to get out of my head anymore. I fear that I won't live up to the world's expectations. I fear that I won't live. Just as there are many things to be positive about in this life, there are just as many things crippling me. But they are just all inside my head.
I learned as I overthink that the worst things could come anytime so there's no point in trying to control things. There's no point in worrying too much. I turn this negativity into good by trying to accept it as it comes. Like I imagine bad things but at the same time, I use this to prepare myself mentally. That when the worst things come, I'll let myself adapt to the changing reality.
The truth is, life holds no guarantees. It is exhausting trying to control things. Someday I might lose this job. Someday I might not have a place to stay anymore. Someday I might go hungry. The good thing is that I have already experienced the worst things in life, I don't think there's anything I can't handle anymore.
These days, I just use this thought to calm my mind and overcome fear. All I know is that it isn't going to be sunny every day. Even the people around can turn against us. I don't see any stability in this life. I live for the sunshine days but I also prepare myself for the storm.
There are things that we can and cannot control. Those that we can control are our own thoughts, behavior, and actions. We cannot control external events but we can control how we respond to new situations and see things.