It's amazing how a few individuals have gotten rich in the year of human misery. How big companies have profited greatly from human suffering. If you're not rich then are you one of those who made $600 while you sleep? I hope things are just as easy as getting government handouts to pay the bills. Well, I heard money's down anyway so I am not jealous. Soon there will be too much cash out there that it would be useless. But I can teach you how to fish.
Here I am pondering on my great life. When will I ever get there? Absurd 4am thoughts won't let me sleep. My age is giving me too much pressure to keep up. Burdened by this existential dread. Funny because physically I feel young but mentally I'm like 60. Plain tired of all the human drama.
I am still struggling to "get there". I am tired of surviving, my plan all along is to thrive and own this world. I know that's too much to ask in this literal global pandemic. Just a crazy diabolic thought.
I am thinking what if I don't have the skills and past work experiences, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have a decent job right now and I would be left for dead. Facebook likes and views can't pay for my cremation.
My country is not giving out cash like crazy and I am just one of the many. The alternative is to hustle harder online and earn cryptocurrencies. I am thinking what if I didn't believe my friend 4 years ago and I wouldn't be here writing this? What other choices do I have to survive this pandemic?
Choices, choices. One slight modification in my past, my life would have been worst today. Or better? There's this decision box in my life flowchart that choosing yes or no would lead me in a totally different direction. Will my life be any better if I had decided differently on things? Had I stayed in a relationship, would I be sitting pretty and living comfortably in another country? Wow, so hard to be Me. I complicate things. I tend to choose the harder path all to make sense of this existence. All for some meaning.
Just when I start saving money, something will come up suddenly like a family emergency or something very important. It happens all the time. I mean I don't regret helping or spending my money on things that matter but it just makes me think if there will ever be room to progress in this life? It feels like some unforeseen force or this so-called fate just won't allow me to. I rarely believe in rags to riches / American dream kind of stories anymore. Something must have propelled people to success like a sitting family fortune or a rich grandma. You can't just do everything on your own.
For most, social mobility is impossible. Some things are not within our control. I no longer want to be pressured to reach the height of success in this x age or in this x amount of time. It's exhausting to keep on running. But this does not mean I won't make a try in this life. This is not a hopeless resignation. I am still trying but I won't be pressured. Cliché but it's the journey right? And maybe, just maybe, there's time for everything.