Time for a change! Okay, at least only the things within my control. I know 2020 gave us varying amounts of pain. Pandemic hit us hard and we've learned so much. The world kept spinning through each devastating blow, and here we are, still clinging on to dear life. One of life's harshest lessons is that anything or anyone can be taken away from us anytime, pandemic or no pandemic. There's time for everything. All we can do is make the most of our lives here on earth.
This is not a New Year's resolution list, like I said in my previous post, I would just be lying to myself. Besides, I'm sure you hate those mediocre lists too. Anyway, these are just plans. Plans to become a better person, plans to improve my overall mental health, plans to make a lot of money - and not just survive but thrive. And own 2021.
It is as if I woke up today feeling rejuvenated. I need to make a change this year. My life in 2020 was full of absolute suckage and mental demonage and I can't just let these carry over to this year. Change starts now.
So 2020 taught me the source of all my anxiety, people. Surprise! It's an introvert thing. I mean just being surrounded by the wrong people. And what if "my people" are online and not in real life? Does that suck? Some of us can't relate to regular folks anymore so what can we do? We can be civil and all but you know, there's no depth. I crave that spark of intelligence.
There years on this island and I see the shallowness of them all just like traditional social media. I hate the predatory nature of humans too (on this island and out there too). I am just saying, maybe it's time to stop forcing things into my life. It's like dating or a romantic relationship, if I force someone into my life, it's just gonna end up badly or I am going to end up with the wrong person. Can I just let everything be? And just enjoy connecting with like-minded and far more interesting people here.
Too much freedom at my workplace gave me more time to think about other people around me and their judgments. Even though it might just be all in my head. The reason I go to work is to have some day-to-day human interaction, you know, pretend to be normal? It turned out, I still feel isolated. Worse, I feel more alone. It does not make any difference if I work from home. It's lonely and isolating just the same but then at least I don't have to suffer from social anxiety. Why did I even think I will find best friends at work ha! I think the toxic corporate environment is an unlikely place to find a meaningful connection.
This year, I might request my boss to allow me to work from home - and yes it's possible. I have to give up this whole illusion of working in harmony with others. I am pushing 40 and I know myself a bit by now. It's never ever gonna work. I have to accept myself and know what's best for my overall mental well-being. Why is it such hard work to be sane?
Since I've automated my tasks and can finish them in a few hours, I can devote the rest of my time to blogging. Obviously, I can't do non-work related things without someone looking at my screen or showing up at my workstation being nosy. Anyway, I live in a quiet neighborhood now so I feel like I can do anything. I can still go outside, run errands, take a walk, or pretend that I'm driving to work. All just to ease the pain of self-imposed isolation. What's new? I've been this way since 2017. I just feel like I can be more productive when I work from home eliminating all that mental tax.
And what other things? I want to continue eating healthy during weekdays, junk food treats on the weekends, a bit of exercise, and beach walks. I'll read more and write more. Remove all distractions like Facebook and focus more on earning and holding cryptocurrencies.