I suffer from a silencing mood thing that I can only label as anxiety. I am taking myself through a creative process to help release this anxiety, and sharing the process in stages here.
Art is a path and a healer
Being an artist is a mode of living, a way of being. There's no end point, no final product for me. Everything ongoing. If I am not making art I become miserable. I start to lose sight of myself, and I start trying to analyze : whats wrong with me right now, what is the intellectual reason for this attack of self-oppression? And the more I intellectualize, the more I get into a hole. The intellect is NOT the way through for someone who is prone to overthinking. For me moving my body or making art is really the best way.
I got this idea from The Kindness Collective
There's this cool Discord called The Kindness Collective, started by 
I was talking about anxiety there with
I thought this was an AWESOME idea, and even just imagining doing such an activity released some of the anxiety for me. I felt very excited to try it.
But then I kept sitting down to do it and found myself being blocked by the same thing that is blocking all my art! Anxiety!!! HA! Such irony. After a week of trying to force myself to draw, this morning I decided I would try to just write. I didn't get much out. That is what gave me the idea to just do a tiny bit at a time, and share my process here. So while it isnt much, this little bit of work represents a week of effort! Thats where I am at right now. My goal and hope is to break through the anxiety, name it, give it more character and feeling, and let it exist outside of me more, instead of just stifling me.
If you would like to join me , you are more than welcome to! I would love to see other people work through a similar idea.
I cant draw, so I looked to AI
I love drawing, but I am so stuck. For like a month. If i sit down with my iPad to draw I just start freaking out! HAHA.. well freaking out for me means I sit there and stare at it. But visual images are really helpful for me so I made an image with the Deep Dream Generator, out of a photograph of myself. I am hoping if I allow myself to create visual ideas that it will help me start to draw again. The original photo is pretty weird , its me dressed up as a strange ghost spirit woman. Below this image I am putting the text that I wrote this morning, struggling to name Anxiety
Vice on my heart clamp on my mouth, parasite rotting and swimming in my blood trying to get out. Voice in my ear, mute and pressing my throat with a knife DON'T MOVE. Tears release it and tears feed it.
It says nothing and pushes its hands hard on my mouth tearing art away from me like its tearing out my hair, sending me pictures that I cant draw.
Thank you for reading, please consider checking out my other recent posts!
xo,