It’s a funny thing. Right after mom died one of my cousins did a post about mom on her Facebook page. The only times this cousin had seen mom in the last 4.5 years was Xmas 2019 (before EVERYTHING) and the day before mom died. And because of this her post was about the mom of “before”. About how fierce and funny mom was. And in reading the post, I realized it had been sooooo long since I thought about who mom was before cancer. So, writing her eulogy was a chance to remind myself of all the things she was and loved before. Mom was still the same person at the end (definitely fierce cause how could she have hung on as long as she did), but at the end she was a muted version of all she was before.

Sometime i feel like I find it hard to remember things because i have no one to share the memories. No sibling to remind of some random time. It was always just me and mom. With dad off working. And now there is no one left on my mom’s side of the family except me. So I have a lot of sadness for the things I don’t remember. Like 3 weeks ago I was in tears for not being able to remember the name of my mom’s childhood parakeet. 🙃