I am working and paying bills, spending time in depression and rest on internet doing crypto. Tried relationship but those ended up more demanding than my family and so I had to bow out. If I do get married which is hard in future but I'd let god do the rest. I never experienced happiness of my own, I only chased achievements and reached them and moved to next. I can only think of travel that can change this depression but lack of money would get in the way.