Meet Albert

Earlier today I grabbed my camera and set out on an adventure to find a friend. I was going to go out and get some pictures of the baby birds that had just recently hatched in the nest in my front yard, but when I got there it was empty. I guess they all fell out during the windstorm a few days ago. Hopefully they spread their little featherless wings and caught some air while they were falling to the ground. Mama bird was nowhere to be found either, so she must have moved on.

So there I was standing there like an idiot when my camera. Not sure what I was going to take pictures of. Then I looked down and saw a tiny spec move around on the little concrete ring thingy around my tree. And that is when I saw Albert. Right after I saw him, I knew we would be best buddies.

^{Photo taken by me @derangedvisions}

I got down and got closer to Albert. I thought he was posing for me and showing his good side, but instead he was turning to run from me as well...

I couldn't even keep my new friend around. Then I started to wonder what was wrong with me.

^{Am I too ugly and scary looking??}

And that was when I saw it. A bigger, badder spider was coming out of hiding and scared Albert away. We shall call him Bogart.

^{Photo taken by me @derangedvisions}

Bogart was so fast as he chased Albert away. Albert ran away like a scared little baby. I probably didn't need to be friends with him anyways. He seemed like too much of a sissy anyways for running at the first sign of trouble.

^{Photo taken by me @derangedvisions}

After Bogart chased Albert off, he strutted his stuff back to his little nest, and that was when out of the corner of one of his million eyes, he must have seen me.

I'll admit that I was a bit scared and I peed a little. Bogart was a bit scary. He just chased Albert off like it was nothing. What if he jumped on my hand and ran up my arm and into my nose and burrowed into my brain and laid eggs in my brain? Then I would have a million Bogart babies running around inside my head playing around and trying to control my bodily functions and make me poop myself while I am talking in front of a group of people?

^{Photo taken by me @derangedvisions}

I am not sure what you would do in this situation when you are faced with a spider that was set on laying eggs in your brain just so it can make its babies take over your body and watch you poop all over yourself, so I did the only thing natural that came to my mind.

I cupped my hand, reached back and farted into it and wafted it towards Bogart. I don't know if you have ever tried this when faced with a threat or not, but 73% of the time, it works every time, and this time was no exception.

^{Photo taken by me @derangedvisions}

Bogart turned his stupid face around and ran off like a stupid little sissy. My farts never let me down.

^{Banner by @pacolimited}