I have a song I heard while listening to TTT submissions on repeat. Drift Away by Jac Ross (Thank you 
I woke up today feeling heavier than usual. We all have those days. When we can't just get our body to respond the way we want it to and instead use the force of will to get things done.
While my feet hit the pavement during the morning run and my calves ached, it almost seemed like my mind was aching with it. At every stop, I would want to quit but then I won't. It was pain. In that moment, after I completed my thirty minutes jog, I stopped and the first thought that came to my mind was "I wish it would just stop".
I may be drifting. Of course I have dreams and I always talk about them. But permit me to use this Theme to talk about something else instead. Because like I said, I live in the moment and the moment right now is unkind. Of course, I still went about my day and for some reason the pain I was feeling made me go harder. Because my biggest dream is for IT to stop.
You may be wondering to what I am referring to. The self doubt, guilt, anger and confusion. Everyday, I still wonder if I would ever get to that point when I don't doubt myself, when I don't wallow in guilt and when I am not drowning in confusion.
I was watching Blue Beetle - a DC, Warner Bros movie - and when the MC asked his father how he knows his Destiny (purpose), his father replied that he didn't. And in every moment, he finds his purpose. That gave me some form of comfort. Maybe I was just looking from the wrong angle. I mean, I am just twenty-two. Yet, I feel like I could be doing a lot more.
So yes, I wish it would stop. But I also know within my soul that if it would, I should actively put in the work. I don't want to keep doubting myself? Then I have to learn. Soak up information, practice and be accountable and true to my abilities. The guilt? How about talking things out if I need to and forgiving myself? Because that is my greatest difficulty. People forgive me. I forgive people. But I find it hard to forgive me. Insane!
As for the confusion, I will just continue living in the moment. Right now, I am drifting with Jac. What would the next five minutes hold? I could be on Hive perusing or reading a book. Either, I will learn to enjoy the process. To experience the moment. Because just as I learned from watching that movie, my destiny could be wrapped in moments and I might it in a hurry.
Hehehehe. Thank you if you got this far. I really appreciate you. If you want to share with us too, head over Free Compliments Community to the Theme For Wednesday.