The Woman
Women are intrinsic creatures created with complex emotions. Not everyone would agree with that but not everyone understands the workings of a woman.
No one knows what runs through her mind or what she faces unless she tells. The woman (permit me to use this) is like a doll woven from head to toe with emotions. Her whole existence is based on how she feels. She thinks, talks and acts like a woman because she is one.
Only a woman would be a mother, a student and a worker without as much as batting an eyelid. Don't misunderstand me. She'd be under a lot of pressure but she'd shed a tear or two and move on with all those twisted emotions like they are no bother at all. Maybe this is why women tend to talk a lot. Because we indeed carry too much.
The Woman and Self
Why did I even bother to explain a woman? What am I trying to aim at here? You see, there's an angle I'm working. I hope you see it with me.
My posts are always based on personal experiences and lessons. This post is no different. Because today, I see that the woman (me here) is human with so many inner turmoil. It's so twisted that it's hard to actually pinpoint what is wrong to work on it.
You know, like men. Men just investigate for the problem and then solve it. It's not like that here. Especially when it's anger you're dealing with. More so, when this anger is directed at yourself.
I have met students who are mothers, CEOs and activists. They all share one thing in common. They are leaders. They inspire me and they make me want to be more but erm, I have asked questions about how they keep standing like they do.
One told me that before she became a boss, she'd battled depression and severe self-esteem issues. She never liked herself and that was her major obstacle. She told me of days she'd spend angry and bitter but soon she realized that most of that anger was directed at her and no one else. She only projects her self image on others.
So I asked her how she got over it. She told me she decided to work on herself. Things that made her happy, that made a difference in her life, she did them. She just did things that gave her a sense of purpose and soon, she was being more productive than complaining.
The Woman and the Mirror
Last night, I asked myself a question. A question that made me realize that I was in the same fix this woman once was. I am angry at myself. This brought my mind back to the truth that John C. Maxwell gave in his book The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth in Chapter 3: The Law of the mirror.
He established that when you don't do the things that you're supposed to or just be lazy, you tend to lose your self-confidence and may even lose your self-esteem. He emphasized on the power of positive esteem and self-image.
Yeah. This is true about me. Because I've been inconsistent in a lot of things; Hive and outside of it. Honestly, no matter how tempting it is to give excuses and show the reason for my inconsistencies, I won't do it.
The Law of Awareness in the same book advises me against self-pity. You see, I can be angry all I want but that won't get things done. I have to be intentional about whatever I'm doing.
And that has to be the hardest thing ever. Discipline. There's nothing as difficult as cultivating a good habit. We can unconsciously form bad habits and carry it all our lives but good/healthy habits? Almost as difficult as an ant winning a swimming competition.
Conclusion
So, I may have lost a lot but this anger inside me has to be directed somewhere. Why not write? I was telling someone yesterday that I missed the old me. The one who'd plan the day and weeks out, go to the gym, engage like a madman, write to her heart's content and help others.
He told me that I could get to be that person again. I just had to start and keep at it. So today, I woke up, still feeling angry at myself but went on ahead to meet those tasks I set the night before.