“Excuse me, please forgive me but I just had to come back. Could you please tell me what perfume you use?”
“Deraa, Biko what lotion are you using? Your skin tone is even.”
“In this harmattan your skin is glistening. Glass skin. What are you using please?”
These are a words uttered by real people mostly on days when it feels like I am ready to fall apart. I remember someone telling me, a morning after I had cried myself in the bathroom, that he wouldn’t believe it if I told him I had less than 500,000 Naira in my bank account. I took that as a compliment.
A friend of mine once mentioned (it was supposed to be banter) that no one would look at me and think I actually need to be helped. Not with the way my perfume announces my presence or the way my skin glistens. She said and I quote,
“With those your curves, you look like odogwu wife”.
I’m always being asked for things many times, I’m hardly asked if I need anything. Now, why am I writing this? What’s the purpose? In a nutshell, do not look like your problems.
I have been seeing a series and during one of the episodes, it showed how some religious teachers always make show of their fasting. Their face is all roughed up, their lips downturned and their nose twisted up in the air. They want everyone to know what’s going on with them.
I have met some people like that. I call them attention seekers. They way they talk and walk is already enough but then they things that makes you embarrassed for them. They are like walking pity party. The only thing they are yet to say is “pay attention to me. I’m suffering”. It’s written all over them.
Now, not like I’m making light of anyone’s problems but I think these are problems themselves. People don’t need to know how awful life is treating you because fact, life isn’t being sweet to them either. Everyone has something they are dealing with and trying to make your problem everyone else’s just indicates you’re selfish and, dare I say it, pathetic.
I’ve been called out on so many occasions by genuine friends for not speaking up more or asking them for help. The truth is, asking for help isn’t as easy as it looks. There’s a kind of vulnerability that comes with that. I love my friends and I know they love me, but it’s kind of hard to suck it up and bring my problems when I know they are dealing with something.
I have learned while growing up that problems don’t kill you. In fact, you need them to become valuable. I also learned that not dwelling entirely on the problem is one good way to solve it — learned that one from Brian Tracy.
Weeks ago, when things were worse than they are now, I and my sister got ready to go out for a casual meet up with our group fellowship. Then she looked at me and said in pidgin English,
“Person go look us now think say we no get problem. Omoh…”
She meant we looked like people that had no problems. That’s the way I prefer it. I don’t like looking like my problems. It just weighs on me. So what do I do? I get up, take a slow shower (I do this especially when I have that time off because I’m always rushing to meet up with work) and then cover my body in oil, some lotion and then the perfumes. I get dressed and sit on my arse, pick a book and read to my hearts content.
This means when I go out to get something, I’m looking exactly how I want to be perceived. Now, I wasn’t one to take such things seriously. My appearance rarely mattered to me until I discovered how it made me feel. Looking good isn’t for anyone else but me. I may have 99 problems and the big vintage tee over orange shorts with my braids tied in a bun makes me feel better. Fruity scent layered over a more classy one permeates my senses and it reminds me that I could have worse problems. Like that time I was developing a body odor due to an illness – thank God for health!
As vain as it seems, I like to take my time looking in the mirror, smacking my lips together to get a consistency from the lipgloss. I also like to end my day with a lip balm that prevents tears on my lips due to the cold season. I don’t use a mirror for that but I have to admit, it’s therapy to look at myself doing these sometimes.
So many problems and trust me, you don’t want to add a stain on your shirt. When it all seems like it’s on fire, just doing something for you. I got a charcoal mask and some silk masks as well. My favorite way to de-stress is to put them on and just read a book while at it. Then oil my face and say a prayer before bed. I can’t be the only one who has this.
Anyway the bottom line is your problems are not who you are so why look like them? What’s the frown for? Why let yourself go? Why smell like onions? A shower does wonders for a person who is struggling to be productive. So, take one, get dressed and go do something fun — even if it’s just trying on lipgloss.
All images are mine
