I would say that anger definitely can be healing, at least to the extent that it is being experienced by somebody who has at least a minimum level of self-awareness so that it is not just wielded as a destructive tool to make other people afraid of you.

If the ladder is the case, then we definitely have some kind of unaddressed wound most likely driven by fear... sometimes the actual fear of just being seen as you really are.

Sorry to hear about your sister! It is, indeed, extremely difficult to be with somebody you really care about as they take their last breath. I have been in that situation several times (keep in mind that I'm 66 years old!) and it has never been easy; sometimes you even "see" the spirit leave the room before the heart actually stops speeding. It is the realization that the person suddenly became an empty shell even though the vitals still seem to be going.

Yes, we're only victims if we choose to be. A lot of times people end up in the victim role because they refused to look at things that they find uncomfortable or difficult or painful. Part of that, I suppose, comes from the fact that Society has somehow made it unacceptable to have experiences that are outside a very narrow band of feelings. Happiness is okay. Anger is okay. But sadness, depression, anxiety and a whole lot of others are not okay.

Sounds like we have been through some pretty similar things, and have emerged on the other side without being totally broken.