Perhaps this is something many people experience, but I have spent much of my life - perhaps since I was 9 or 10 - with a sort of undefined longing inside me.
It was never about being bored, or not having enough to do, or not having interests that kept me occupied, it was just this sensation that there was something missing. But as to what was missing... that was "missing," as well!
Over the years I have learned many things about "living in the moment" and "being present" and all those good things. I wouldn't say that the longing inside me has entirely gone away, but I have grown to treat it like that perpetual space in your garden where you can never find the right thing to grow.
I acknowledge that it's there, but I don't worry too much about it. I accept that it may never be filled, and I accept that the likelihood that it will be filled as a result of any of my own efforts are slim, and if it is indeed ever going to be filled it will be the result of pure chance.
Have you ever had the sensation that you're looking for something, but you're not exactly sure what that something is? The only thing you're sure of is that there is a "something" and that it's missing.
Of course, this is not the sort of issue that makes for good dinner table conversation! Most people would likely hear something like this, and then quietly suggest that maybe I should get some therapy. Which, of course, I've had plenty of!
Depending on who you ask, there are different plausible explanations. Some might insist that it's just the human search for meaning that's manifesting itself. Some would say that I just need to "get religion."
My friend Diana, from many years ago, theorized that this empty space was a representation of "the search for the beloved," at a level that doesn't really make sense, from a purely functional and tangible perspective.
I suppose those are all reasonable enough explanations, and I'll be the first to admit that I typically have set the bar pretty high in those areas, even if I haven't been particularly successful.
I guess what I'm saying here is that I haven't been willing to take something that wasn't "it" and declaring it "it" just for the sake of being able to declare some sort of completion.
But that's what most of the world does; selling out its dreams and desires in service of common sense and "being practical." We choose jobs, partners, spirituality and more that's merely "in the ballpark," rather than holding out for what we truly" want.
Been there, done that...
I suppose most people "settle" when the futility of seeking something that likely doesn't exist becomes a burden too heavy to bear.
Or not... and remain forever Seekers...
Thanks for stopping by, and have a great remainder of your week!
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Created at 2024-04-09 01:38 PDT
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