I suppose my parents were what you might call "pragmatists."
What I mean is: They saw little purpose in considering how you felt about the things you were doing — and where your life was headed — you simply got things done. Period. End of story. Case closed.
Of all the myriad influences delivered during my earliest life, that has perhaps been the most difficult to shake.
Now, you might ponder why a person would want to shake such a "value," and the simple answer to that is that I am not a pragmatist like my parents were... I put a lot more emphasis on the meaning of things, and whether or not they feel aligned with who I believe myself to be, as a person. Authenticity matters.
I remember very well the many occasions on which I heard my father's voice (and sometimes my mother's) saying "make yourself useful!" when they spotted me either not doing very much, or engaged in something purely frivolous and what we might call "non-productive."
Don't get me wrong here... I do understand the value of being productive in the sense that you pretty much have to in a world that expects you to earn a living.
But it has never really sat that well with me that I should be "making myself useful" at all times... yet I often find myself recognizing that I am behaving a bit like a puppet on a very short string when a situation arises in which people are "busy with something" and I immediately start having feelings of guilt because I am not going to work at helping them and thereby being that all-important "useful."
I suppose my tendency to rebel against this old programming has its roots in my years of introspection and going to numerous spiritual workshops... during which I really became aware of just how much simply "being industrious" — for its own sake — did not reflect my personal sense of truth and authenticity.
The reason this blog post even came into being is that I was sitting in my home office, seriously contemplating the question of what I had done today that was actually useful.
It wasn't that I hadn't been doing anything, just that it was not conventionally useful, like yardwork, cleaning the house, doing repairs, or working for a living.
I suppose it's a bit of a sad reflection that this "Protestant work ethic" that seems to dominate so much of the Western world so often doesn't actually represent what many people want to do with their lives, in order to feel right about their personal worlds!
My mother always loathed the fact that I often called myself a "Creative Slacker," in large part because the whole slacker idea was offensive to her.
Anyway, what's the point here?
Well, even though I officially "signed out of the rat race" back in the late 1990's, I still hear those echose from my past whispering "do something useful!" when I am sitting here — basically enjoying myself — writing a blog post on Hive!
And which is also why I am going to finish this post and then head outside to do some yardwork... even though I'd rather not...
Will I ever truly "get over it?"
To be honest, it seems unlikely. But at least I can be aware...
Thanks for reading, and have a great weekend!
How about YOU? Ever catch yourself responding to "childhood conditioning?" How do you feel, when that happens? Are they lessons you LIKE, or lessons you'd rather get over? Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!
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Created at 20220916 16:12 PDT
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