✨ I’m nked and vulnerable. Laying there on top of the white sheets. My body is heavier, softer and rounder than it was when we first started dating. It’s laced with extra bumps, rolls and various stretch marks. Lately, I’ve struggled to show my partner my body and enjoy sxual experiences. I have been keeping my bra on when intimate as I have felt shame over my saggy breasts. I have kept my shirt on when s*xually intimate. I have been getting changed in another room to hide the extra softness, and I have demanded the bedroom light be off when intimate.
I’ve been trying to enjoy moments of intimacy, but whenever my body insecurities overwhelm me, my mind fills with negative thoughts.
“Does he notice iv gained weight?”
“Does my body feel softer to him?”
“Has he seen the new stretch marks on my thighs?”
“I hope he still finds me physically attractive”.
I constantly wondered.
These thoughts would pull me out of the heat of the moment and stop me from enjoying intimacy. No matter how much my partner reassured me of my worth, my body insecurities would make me believe that my weight gain meant I wasn’t worthy of being touched.
I soon realised that these thoughts were lying to me. Because I am worthy of enjoying intimacy, of being held, seen, embrace in the body I live in right now. Because intimacy is about how it feels, not about how my body looks. I just had to believe it.
I know how impossibly hard it can be to enjoy a sxual experience when you are fixated on how your body looks, but I need you to know that you are worthy of enjoying intimate moments, no matter your size! You don’t have to have a particular body to enjoy Intimacy. You just have to look like you. When your feeling insecure about your body during intimate moments, try to focus on how your body feels, not about how it looks aesthetically. Your weight gain or body changes don’t make you unworthy of joyful sxual experiences. All bodies are worthy of experiencing intimacy. All bodies deserve to be held, seen and embraced exactly as they are.
