I’m a grumpy old woman. Almost everything annoys me. I could write a list as long as War and Peace but in the interests of brevity, and it is the soul of wit after all, I can declare that chief among my

I have occasionally pondered why some people seem luckier than others, whether luck is something you create or something you're given, and whether I am lucky. Born to alcoholic parents and dragged up in

or, the tragic demise of Chucky McChuck

There’s either something wrong with the world or something wrong with me, and let me tell you there’s nowt awry with this lady! I am an oasis of rationality in a world of madness. It seems to me we are

I know I know, pride is one of the seven deadly sins, but I must say I’m jolly proud of the results of my gardening endeavours. After the most sunless summer, I can remember…but I remember very little

Nobody’s perfect, but I’m as near as dammit! Now we’re not talking physical perfection here, as at my age, well, what can I tell you? But in all other aspects, I think I can say I am a fine example to

Rules laws and damned regulations; they’re everywhere and all-encompassing. So many laws yet the world is lawless. If I were king I’d scrap ‘em all and replace them with just three, written in plain English

At my age, it’s unlikely that I could persuade anyone to purchase sexual favours from me. Still, should I be so propositioned on a dark night by a blind man with a penchant for wrinkled, lined and flabby

I am not one who likes to rough it. A city gal through and through, I was never one for the great outdoors. I like the bustle and buzz of city life and the convenience of being close to everything. I hate

“Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” ― Oscar Wilde I studied a subject called Economics for four years in secondary school. It taught me lots of theory but nothing

My father’s longtime girlfriend died in my arms as I struggled to place an oxygen mask on her face. One minute alive, the next taking her final breath, a sort of wheeze, her body went limp and she was

There was a slaughterhouse behind the house on Camden Street where I lived as a child. Perhaps it made some impression on me for I was never much of a meat eater. In my teens, after seeing a documentary

“No man undertakes a trade he has not learned, even the meanest; yet everyone thinks himself sufficiently qualified for the hardest of all trades, that of government.” Socrates Have you heard about the

or, shaft them before they shaft you!

I’m pretty upfront about my opinions on most things. In fact, I could likely give a 30-minute lecture to anyone who’d care to listen on the evils of government, the madness of the medical industrial complex,

I wouldn’t describe myself as a good person exactly, though I did once help a blind person cross the road. I’ve lied and cheated, but only in dealings with authorities, which I see not only as my right

I was born fast. I walk, talk and think fast, which is just as well given the number of sticky situations I’ve had to talk myself out of. It’s my contention, though I have no scientific evidence to back

There was a photo, unfortunately, lost in the mists of time, of me, my head in my hands, as I sat doing the accounts for my family’s corner shop business. My father had captioned the photo Despair! 20

I played the piano when I was young, though through no fault of my own. My uncle and aunt, both unmarried, shared a huge old house on the posh side of the city and were happy to take advantage of my parents'

Am I a master first-aider? Sure I’m like Florence Nightingale, Nurse Ratched and James Herriot rolled into one; doctor in residence to the family and veterinarian to galliformes and canines. I have a healthy