Thanks for those points. Really I just wrote it up as a sort of first-draft of a scene. If I push this into a longer story or look to submit it somewhere to be published, I'll definitely take those suggestions into account to edit and polish.

As for the image, oh I hadn't noticed I forgot the link. I'm still not completely used to the Hive format yet.

I have a question, since you've been so helpful... why does that left bracket always seem to appear when I Post even though I don't see it while I am writing?

Thanks!