As an introvert, I spend a majority of my time thinking. Situations replay over and over, examined from all angles, scrutinized for errors. Corrections are made, and then recalculated. Conversations play inside the mind using only my imagination, often with loved ones and close friends whom may never know of these dialogues. Arguments are made for positions, and then rebutted with equal zeal. A constant hum of subconscious processing goes on in the human brain, and I have a bad habit of trying to catch and analyze everything.
It's impossible.
Lately, I've been trying to trust my instincts more. In Malcolm Gladwell's book Blink, he illustrates the science behind our subconscious ability to recognize commonalities and risk factors within seconds of meeting new people. Knowing this, going to social gatherings provides an excellent opportunity for examining my personal instinct awareness. Instead of "people-watching," my focus lately has been to interact with others while letting my analytical brain rest.
Going to a party or any other public function used to be a fairly anxiety-provoking ordeal, and I was considered shy for a long time. That wasn't descriptive enough, however. Why was I this timid wall-flower? Because I didn't have the confidence to find out what I had in common with people. I've spent a majority of my life around people who held beliefs opposite to mine, and finding agreements didn't occur very often. Part of me had been convinced that
They do exist, and it usually doesn't take long to find something likable in nearly everyone. I started to take this more relaxed, curious approach recently. Asking people questions is a much better use of time in a social setting, than looking for someone who outwardly displays a shared interest. The subconscious will record the whole event (sending up necessary flags, in the moment) and my introversion can be sated with the prospect of analyzing everything, at my leisure. All that is required, is the will to passively let my brain do its job and trust its warnings.
This way, I get the benefit of meeting new, potentially great friends and engaging in endlessly-interesting conversations without the awkwardness of anxiety. And my subconscious has never missed a sign.
Like a fuel gauge, social grace empties the more its driven. After I've spent time around a group of people, I feel drained mentally. Afterwards, the processing of all the new information takes whatever psychological energy remains. "Refilling the tank" is a simple task of not engaging in social situations, typically until the previous information is absorbed and thoroughly examined. A couple of days might pass between going to a party and disseminating all the data. I hope, with practice, this process will take less and less time.
Tell me what you think of social interactions in the the comments below.
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