Being uncomfortable doesn't mean you have to look uncomfortable.

People keep asking me, why are you still looking good?
Are you not preparing for your parents' burial?

Some say it with concern. Some say it with gossip. Some say it like an accusation.

If you asked me whether I'm uncomfortable and I will quickly say YES because I am preparing for my parents' burial. I mean my father and my mother's burial. And yes, I am still looking good.
Both can be true at the same time.

Let me tell you something we don't talk about enough in our culture.

We were raised to believe that grief must be ugly.
That if you are truly in pain, you must look scattered.
Your clothes must be rough.
Your face must be unkempt.
You must be crying in every corner for people to believe that you are truly mourning.

And I asked, who made that rule?

Being uncomfortable doesn't mean you have to look uncomfortable.
I am uncomfortable. My heart is heavy.

My nights are long.
My pocket is feeling it.
My body is feeling it.
My spirit is feeling it.
Planning a burial in this Nigeria economy is not easy.
Planning my PARENTS' burial, two of them at once is a level of pain I cannot even explain with words because it's deep.

But I refuse to look like what I am going through.
I still take my bath.
I still dress well.
I still oil my face.
I still smile when I greet people.
Not because I am not pained, but because my parents did not raise me to be a dirty, scattered person.

My mother always said, even if you have only one cloth, wash it and iron it well.
While,
My father always said, hold your head high no matter what life throws at you.

How can I dishonor them now by looking tattered in their name? The best way I can honor them is to show that they raised a strong child.

Looking good is not a sign that I am not grieving. It is my own way of staying sane in the middle of chaos.

Some people want you to look miserable so they can pity you. They want your appearance to match the story they want to tell about you like have you seen him?
He is finished since his parents died.

I will not give them that story.
I can be broken inside and still polished outside.
I can be crying in the bathroom and still smiling at the market where I am pricing things for the burial.
I can be grieving and still glowing.
Because my strength comes from God, not from people's opinion.

To everyone who is going through a hard season whether it is burial, sickness, heartbreak, unemployment like in my country Nigeria or that project that is stressing your life, please hear this, take care of yourself even when life is not taking care of you.

Bath.
Dress well.
Smell nice.
Eat.
Your hardship is not a uniform you must wear for people to validate your pain.

And to those who are quick to judge someone who is still looking good despite their problems, please stop.
You don't know what they cry about when no one is watching.

I am preparing for my parents' burial. Yes, it is heavy. But I am still a child of God, and I will still look like His child.

Rest on, Mum and Dad.
I will give you a befitting burial without losing myself.

Have you ever been judged for looking too good while going through a hard time? Share your experience with me in the comments.