Who am I ? What am I passionate about? What is my identity? What do I love?
I have been asking myself these questions for some time now, and the truth is that there are so many things am yet to understand about myself.
I feel like a selfish creature because so much has been invested in me, but am yet to accomplish anything. I have been given many opportunities to step out and do things that are important, but I have constantly refused to make use of these opportunities with the reasons that they were out of my comfort zone.
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I don't want to call it my comfort zone anymore, I will be calling it my decay zone because for every second, every minute, and every hour I spend in it, I feel as if I am dying. There is no room for growth in my comfort zone neither is there a burning desire to quench the very severe need for success.
My comfort zone is a pitch black never ending troubling place where all my dreams decay. I have spent most of my life here, and now I am a person without a passion, without any emotion except for pain, hunger and sorrow.
I tend to want so many things but yet, none of these things are satisfying. Everything is boring, games are not entertaining, and even trying to enjoy my time is a constant struggle.
The worst part is that I do not have my own ideas anymore. I depend on others to think for me. I let them decide what I want just as I let them decide what I need. I have become a lump of clay that they can shape into what ever they need.
I don't dislike these people though because they give me the idea of having a purpose. The truth is that I would rather be used than become useless. Even though it's not healthy, these people make me feel less worthless.
A man without a dream is a dead man walking. A person without a passion is a shallow old useless tin can, whose only purpose is to be kicked around for other peoples entertainment.
The only reason I haven't gone crazy is because it is beyond my comfort/decay zone.馃槀. I find humour in the irony that the reason that I haven't t lost my mind is because I am too crazy to be crazy.
Sometimes I get the sparks of freedom that breaks out of my "self made prison", and it is in these moments that I write, hoping that when my imprisoned self finds time to read this, he will understand and find a way to break through this degrading cycle that he calls a happy life.
The only things that aren't washed up are my moral and my sense of humour, and I pray and plead for those two to keep on running away from this self prison because they are what's left of me that aren't petrified of standing outside my comfort/decay zone.
So when you are reading this my future self, wake up and snap out of your comfort zone. Find yourself, rediscover your passions, chase your dreams, and don't forget the promise you made to your little self that you'd grow up and make this world a better place.
True self-discovery begins where your comfort zone ends.
Thanks for reading.
