They say love conquers all, and for a while, I truly believed it. But little did I know how easily that beautiful sentiment could transform into something dark and destructive.
In the beginning, our relationship seemed like a fairytale come true. We met in work and were instantly drawn to each other's charm, intelligence, and shared interests. We would spend hours talking about our dreams and aspirations, always supporting each other and pushing each other towards success.
We had a strong connection that was built on trust, mutual respect, and love. I felt like I had found my soulmate – someone who understood me in ways no one else ever could.
From the outside looking in, we appeared to have the perfect relationship. Our friends envied us for being the epitome of couple goals. Even strangers would stop us in public to comment on how "adorable" we looked together.
But beneath this façade of perfection lay a dark truth that I was blind to at first – my partner was a narcissist.
At first, her charm and charisma made it easy for me to ignore any red flags or warning signs. She was always showering me with compliments and grand gestures of love. But as our relationship progressed, things began to change.
Soon enough, I found myself walking on eggshells around them. Any disagreement or conflict would turn into a heated argument where they would manipulate me into thinking everything was my fault. She would never take responsibility for her actions and instead make me feel guilty for questioning them.
Even when it came to things that were important to me – such as my career goals or hobbies – she would dismiss them as unimportant or not worth her time. I would always find myself compromising and putting her needs above my own, just to keep the peace in our relationship.
But the hardest part was realizing that her love for me was conditional. She only showed affection and care when it served their own interests or made them look good. Her selfish actions left me feeling hurt, confused, and drained.
Despite all of this, I stayed in the relationship for far too long. I was convinced that I could change them and make things work. But in the end, it was clear that they were never going to change – because narcissists are incapable of truly loving anyone but themselves.
As I reflect on our seemingly perfect relationship now, I realize that it was never as perfect as it seemed on the surface. The truth is, no amount of charm or false affection can mask the toxic patterns of a narcissist.
In the end, I had to walk away from what I thought was my fairytale ending – but in reality, it was just another chapter in the story of my life with a narcissist.
Manipulation and control are two key tactics used by narcissists to exert power and dominance over their partners. In my case, my ex-partner was no exception as she employed these techniques to keep me under her control.
One of the most common ways she manipulated me was through gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the perpetrator makes the victim question their own reality and sanity. My ex would constantly twist events and facts to make it seem like I was at fault for everything that went wrong in our relationship. She would make me doubt my own memory and perception of things, leaving me feeling confused and disoriented.
Another way she controlled me was by isolating me from my friends and family - "Think about yourself, not them. How can I be in relationship with someone who cares about others equaly". At first, I thought it was because she wanted us to spend quality time together, but soon I realized that it was a calculated move on her part. By cutting off my support system, she made sure that I had no one else to turn to except her. It also made it easier for her to continue manipulating and controlling me without any interference or outside perspective.
She also used guilt-tripping as a means of control. Whenever I tried to express my needs or concerns in the relationship, she would turn the tables on me by making me feel guilty for even bringing it up. She would use phrases like "we talked about it", "you are dramatic" or "you always ruin everything." As a result, I started questioning whether I was being selfish or unreasonable in my expectations.
My ex constantly kept me on edge by using the silent treatment. Whenever I did something that she didn't approve of, she would completely shut down and refuse to talk to me for days. This left me feeling anxious and desperate for her attention and validation. It also made me more vulnerable to her manipulation as I would do anything to win back her affection.
Ultimately, the underlying factor in all these tactics was her need for control and power over me. She would use any means necessary to keep me under her thumb, including emotional abuse and manipulation. After we ended she turn everyone against me, gossip about me, moking, joking about my dead family. It took a lot of self-reflection and therapy for me to realize that I was being manipulated and controlled. While some may perceive you as a coward, the reality is that you are making the conscious decision to take the high road. You do not need to seek revenge, spread rumors, or harm yourself and others for retribution. Simply bid farewell and move forward. You deserve better treatment and sooner or later, the façade will crumble and the truth will be revealed. In situations like these, both parties share responsibility, you for allowing it to occur and lacking self-love. Strive to be stronger and leave the past behind without changing who you are. Surround yourself with positive individuals who appreciate your worth. Once I understood this, I was able to break free from the toxic cycle and now trying to move on with my life and now after complete drug and love addiction I'm back in Bulgaria.
Let our children not grow up in a terrible world. Together we can make it better. It is our destiny to
suffer from the past, to long for the future, but to forget the present.
Any unsourced images and writing are my own. Life is worth it!
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When Love Turns Toxic | Ecency
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