Mindfulness
Sitting in my first mindfulness session, I really didn’t know what to expect other than what I had been able to guess from the title of the lesson. I had been in the pain clinic for two weeks, listening to these physiotherapists say it was all psychological and with the correct affirmations, I could unlock a magical medicine cabinet in my mind that would take all the pain away. Today was the day that we were to unlock the cabinet. After 4 hours of group therapy, apparently we were all ready to stop our medications and unlock this drug cabinet in our head and get on with life...... as I shut my eyes and focused on breathing, reminding myself to ignore the lady next to me who kept farting. I had to see myself in a safe place, surrounded by people who loved me, where the pain couldn’t hurt me, and the pain was there in the background...........Now WAKE UP.
So whenever I feel like I am in pain, just remember there is nothing there to cause the pain and go to your safe place. Oh how wrong they were. If only they had bothered doing some simple scans.
I know that may sound crazy to many people reading this, however I can assure you, that there are people who could probably backup my story with similar stories of their own ABUSE. Yes, I call it abuse, because that day as I sat in my car at the top of the hill on my way home, I realised that I would suffer with this for the rest of my life. I realised that I was alone. I realised that the only thing I had control over was how long I suffered with the pain. As I sat at the top of the hill looking down that long road, there at the bottom stood a huge Gum tree. This big old tree is in the middle of a small roundabout, I always loved looking at that tree whenever we would go past it. This time however, I realised I was about 100 meters away from it going well over 70mph right at it. It is amazing how many things can go
Through your mind so quickly. I can’t say it was one definite thought but amongst my Wife, my Mum, and my Sisters, the thought of my little girl not having her Dad was enough to make me realise I had to put up with the pain as long as I could.
There are so many people that battle depression and thoughts of Suicide. Please if that is you. Don’t put off asking for help.
