Getting old stinks and I don't believe I'm aging very gracefully. In fact I'm fairly sure my mental health is not on the upswing here.
Maybe I take myself too seriously. In fact I'm fairly certain that I do. There's something like approximately 7 billion people on earth they say? Virtually an infinite amount of forms of life? Why should I care so much about my problems or like stress so much? Everyone struggles and suffers. The flip side of this argument is also rather valid in my opinion and can surely breed a selfish self-centered attitude. An attitude of which I unfortunately indulged in too many times in my life.
It's quite easy to blame prior generations about how actually screwed up society has become. Frankly the smug attitudes of people from older generations only makes it easier to resent these people deeply. It's unwinnable debate on both sides I think unfortunately.
That's the fundamental debate I think in today's age. Or at least a core debate. Older people think younger people are ungrateful and simple minded and lazy. Younger people have valid issues that often look completely invisible to older people. I don't have an answer as to how to fix that. Both sides will always have good arguments.
As a mostly younger man this dilemma has always been really hard for me. I'm getting a bit older but I still think like, I'm pretty young. I don't know what age is considered officially 'middle age' or 'early middle age'. I feel like 38 years old may be firmly the first year of early middle age but of course this is debatable I don't know.
Must I take my circumstances in stride and always blame myself for every mistake I make, or how much are older generations to blame for the current state of the world?
In my heart I know blaming others is lazy and cowardly but also, something about that doesn't sit right with me either. I was literally just born. I could argue older people not taking responsibility is equally ignorant. Like I said there is no winning here I feel as if this is truly the most 50/50 debate there ever will be and it's probably always going to be this way.
I do live online too much, not everyone is super into the infinite YouTube information overload like I am. The dead internet theory is quite real and Hive is not an exception. I'm unsure how many actual humans will see this. Not just because my presence here is miniscule but also simply because of bots. Just writing that statement feels outrageous. Like I'm in a sci-fi movie or something.
I have always craved just simply a normal life. I have made grave errors but I also am sick of just everyone telling me or implying that everything is my fault and to simply take control of my own life.
I grew up with a somewhat unstable somewhat angry single mom and I promise you I'm not being rude when I say that. My mom has her fair share of admirable qualities, I respect her very much and I know she always tried.
I played sports, and not to toot my own horn I made some decently high level sports teams truly by accident. Nothing crazy but I had moderate success. I guess I had a degree of natural ability for a few years growing up.
I bring this up because on these sports teams I would look and see families that had a stable life and it amazed me. Many of these families were wealthy. What I've come to realize more and more as I age is how unfair it is that these people had a shiny relaxing life and frankly they weren't that exceptional. A majority of them frankly were average at BEST.
The problem is that I can see how successful people will roll their eyes at this notion.
But then when I hear DAILY about the amount of high level financial corruption, scams and other unethical practices that go on among powerful groups of people I can't help but get angry. It's an unwinnable battle.
People say this is simply a 'mental health crisis' versus like, actually fixable problems that can actively be avoided.
It's truly as if people of privilege and stability simply say it's a 'mental health crisis' versus addressing real fixable problems.
People like me who suggest the system is deeply rigged, are simply categorized as 'dealing with mental health issues'.
Maybe people like me have mental health issues because they simply want to have a shelter that's not under threat 24/7. This is not rocket science.
It's an insult to mine and everyone's intelligence.
I highly doubt I'm alone. This is my life at this point, and I fear my mind is already too fried. I'll keep trying in the meantime and hope for a miracle.
