Last week I undertook a multi stop road trip from South London to Newcastle via Leicester, Blackpool, the Lancashire countryside and The North Pennines.
I met some wonderful old friends, my god daughter and a new friend.
Apart from the new friend (from Steemit) all other stops were overnight with people in recovery from relationships that have ended.
I'm personally only just over a relationship breakdown. It's taken me seven years to find myself and be steady on my own two feet. I was in a 22 year relationship from aged 19. The world as a newly single and broken hearted person was a confusing maze. I actually got very lost and felt very alone. The real truth is that for at least five years I was trying to destroy myself (end my life), without it looking like suicide. I've cried the tears of relief and joy I am still alive and enjoying living once again.
I think it is for this reason I've been unable to write up the road trip experiences I had.
I was too deep in my own reflections and I couldn't bing myself to write about anything.
If you are struggling after a relationship split, maybe my mind dump below has something to help you a little.
It's OK to be sad and upset. Allow yourself the time and space to grieve.
Don't self criticise and tell yourself you should be happier, feel what you feel, it's allowed.
Try not to sleep around. I did. I was an expert communicator on Tinder, Match.com and a couple of others. Each interaction will make you feel worse. When you are vulnerable, you will attract predators and abusers, it's just the way it works.
There is a theory that it takes a month for each year you were in the relationship to recover from it. I took longer, you may too.
If you don't want to connect with the world, that's OK, but try and find a "spot" of your own, where you can go sit, drink some tea/coffee/water etc, watch the world for a bit, if even for just half an hour. A spot where you feel comfortable and anonymous is my best advice.
You will find out who in your social circle cares for you. Try to let them help you. We humans are wired to help where we believe we can. People who care for you, want to care for you, let them in, unless they are lecturing, if they are lecturing, stay away. You don't need lectures or directives.
Don't hold back your tears, crying is exhausting but your tears need to flow so you can cleanse yourself of the unhappiness and other negative feelings of betrayal, rejection and loneliness. These are real feelings that you are allowed to feel.
Solitude for 1-3 weeks can be life changing. Little noise and no interruptions lead you to thinking about things you have kept away from. You do need to have those conversations with yourself, they can be the tipping point to a new outlook and self pride. Be kind to yourself.
Self medication will only harm you in the long run. I self medicated to convince myself I was happy. I wasn't and happiness comes and goes anyway. I worked out that I just need to be content. If you can find contentment if only for a few minutes, then you are making progress.
Travel to see friends if you can. Reconnect with people you have fond memories of. Travelling gives you different views and time to think while on the move.
I hope it helps someone in someway.
I luv u,
d3p0
