Many amongst us have a hard time telling the difference between Empathy and Sympathy. True understanding and effective communication lay within the difference of the two.
Sympathy is when you care about another's plight and want to see his or her pain and suffering released and diminished.
Empathy is actually placing you in their shoes and feeling and seeing as they do.
Imagine a long line at a bank. The elderly lady with no family is taking her time to receive human contact with the teller. She is blabbing on and on about her days as a swimmer in an Olympic training program. The teller visibly stressed because of the dirty looks she is receiving from the impatient man in a blue polo standing next in line who at this point is making loud sighs and saying "come on" under his breath. The teller continues to smile and nod as she rushes through her work. As if she was talking to a child with an incomprehensible story. The elderly lady recounts her withdrawal very slowly as the teller patiently waits and the man in the blue polo becomes more and more agitated and says "Come on lady. Some of us have places to be". This causes the elderly women to lose count. She smiles and apologizes to the teller for her need to recount and begins to count again. The teller smiles and mouths I'm sorry to the man waiting next in line. As the elderly lady finishes counting gathers her belongings and tucks the money into her purse she thanks the teller for her patience and wishes her a Merry Christmas. The man does not wait to be called up he takes two quick steps to the teller barley missing the old lady with his walk and slams a wad of cash down on the counter. "Deposit this into my checking account and make it quick," he says as the teller's smile goes to a neutral position. Without another word, the teller deposits the money and hands the man a deposit slip. You can tell that the women is visibly shaken and unnerved by her long day. When you arrive at the counter the teller is not smiling and appears sad and upset.
Many can have sympathy for this women and most will actually want her to feel better. We don't know her but people tend to want to see others happy. The sad feeling spreads to everyone. This is where empathy comes into play. Most would say "wow that guy was rude" This is a sympathetic statement and will not really pull the teller from her slump. Let's use empathy for a moment put ourselves in her shoes. She has been standing all day and actually really likes the elderly lady. you could tell by the way she greeted her when she came to the counter. Today she is upset because she couldn't fully enjoy her moment with her regular kind and sweet customer. She has been rushing through transactions all day because the holiday season is always busy. The bank is obviously short staffed since she is the only teller on duty and she has been doing the work of two people. This does not include any personal stress she may be dealing with at home. If you take the time to use empathy you can speak to the teller in an understanding way. "The Holiday season is always busy and it never seems like we get the time we would like to have a conversation with our regular clients. I feel so rushed and wished I could take a breath". This statement will make the teller nod and grin. You see what you just did was gave her understanding and validation. When we use empathy the people we communicate with no longer feel alone and misunderstood. They feel as if someone actually understands them and this will pull them from their slump. At the end give the teller a smile and wish her a happy holiday with all the time in the World. I promise you that would make her day.
We often get to caught up in our own thoughts to take the time to fully use empathy. I've been practicing it ever since I read an amazing parenting book called "Between Parent & Child" and even with my understanding I get too rushed to use my thoughts and imagination to place myself in another's shoes. This leads to arguments with my children, missed opportunities to connect and friction in my relationships. Empathy can take you a long way in life. When others feel you understand them and they identify with you. It opens up worlds of opportunity and deeper connections than you have ever seen. It places you on their team and their side. They will be motivated to work for you. With empathy, you gain influence and with influence, you can have a positive impact on the World. Sympathy is far better than pity but often is seen as pity. To simply wish someone better will have no impact and actually causes others to feel alone and misunderstood. They will not identify with you and may think you are better than them or think you think that you are better than them. This places you on another team and many will not care about your plight or work to help you because you are not one of them. They will work for you if they can gain from the situation but if they feel you are on their team you'll find that they are more apt to altruism.
Let's use some empathy this holiday season and spread love and understanding. After all, empathy leads to compassion and this World can always use more compassion.
I Love You All
