Yesterday we met with the social worker from the foster care agency for the first time. She told us there would be four visits, the second one will be in mid-January.
I was rather apprehensive. Although my husband had submitted his fingerprints for the background check, signed where I had asked him to sign, and all that - he had also said several conflicting things which had left me worried and scared that he would tell the social worker, "This is all a big mistake and I'm NOT willing to be a foster parent."
She shifted through paper after paper, explained the process, and then asked, "Why are you interested in being foster parents?"
I went first, describing my experiences as a mother, beginning with my first child at 18, and my second child at age 36, our miscarriage a few years later, and my current state of menopause now. I told her about how much I loved watching a child learn and grow, that I was fascinated by how their minds worked, their milestones, their individuality. I talked about feeding children's interests - art in my eldest, science in my youngest, and concluded it all by saying, "I realized that I'm not ready to be done yet. I've learned so much, and I feel I can give so much to another child."
And then she turned to my husband and my heart thudded in my chest. Would he torpedo my dreams? Would he tell her this was all my idea and that he wanted nothing to do with it?
And what came out of his mouth was truth, and deep honesty. He told her that he had never wanted to be a dad. That he had been too afraid that he would be like his dad, a man who sucked as a father, but turned out to be a great grandpa.
"And then Emily came along and she is amazing and sweet and EASY," he said, "and I also realized I was actually good at it and I know I could be good at it again."
He talked about fearing change, how my endless furniture rearranging drove him nuts, but that "life is change, and we have to learn to change with it."
And I wanted to cry and hug him and tell him thank you. But I sat there, quiet, and bided my time.
I had no idea those were the fears running through his head. Sometimes, when we speak our truths, the things we fear fall away from us and we get to be who we are without them weighing us down.
Christine Shuck is a writer, artist, and general malcontent living in Kansas City, Missouri. She has written six books, five of which are published on Amazon. You can learn more about her by signing up for her newsletter, visiting her author website or one of her blogs:
The Deadly Nightshade - covers diy, sustainability, gardening, cooking, crafts, community and more
The Learning Advocate - touches on parenting, education and more
The Cottages - focuses on our renovations of two bungalows in Historic Northeast Kansas City and their future as Airbnb properties
She’s written six books, five of which are currently on Amazon:
Gliese 581: The Departure – A sci-fi thriller
War’s End: The Storm – A dystopian tale about the Second American Civil War in the day after tomorrow
War’s End: A Brave New World – The sequel to War’s End: The Storm
The War on Drugs: An Old Wives Tale – Part memoir, part call to action on ending the War on Drugs in America
Get Organized, Stay Organized – down-to-earth advice on how our lives became so cluttered, and how we can change
