I've been lacking in sleep for maybe two days now and prior for my dialysis today I am really feeling sick with all that extra fluids in my system and toxins as well as the residue of my antihyperparathyroid medicine "Cinacalcet" and its side-effects plus the antituberculosis medicine that I am taking.
It is just like a battering ram to my body and yet my emaciated body still goes on and on and on. I really believe that there is a divine force out there that is handling me which is why I had endured all these purely difficult times in my lifetime.
Imagine just being sick in almost all of the length of your stay here on the face of the earth and not only that I have to also think about the financial burden that these things are causing me. It is very hard to carry-on with my life.
Unfortunately I cannot just "end it all" otherwise I will be called a fail. But am I winning? Unless I had taken the scepter of victory like achieving one of my goals then I can consider it as "good" already.
Actually I feel that I am winning a bit but it is just slow, a very long and slow process. But at least I am gaining some milestones like a diminishing pain in my joints. I could double my intake of Cinacalcet but it will just cut a big hole in my pocket and then suffer anorexia at the same time.
There isn't much an option for me until the odds would turn in my favor. Maybe I just needed more time but time is of the essence for me now, a luxury that I cannot afford but i have to wait for the perfect time until I reached my gosl with prayers from my friends here and grace and mercy from God himself I can achieve my goals.
i'm gonna head to "bed" now and I will finally rest along with my sleep fairy, tomorrow will be another fine day God-willing. Thanks be to God.