I am glad that at least my body pain is diminishing again. All I want and my goal in life is to achieve a pain-free life and of course less need for a drug that doesn't completely heal me and at the same time giving me this horrendous appetiteloss.
I should have a normal appetite, actually I had achieved that a few years ago after my blood count went normal. I was enjoying eating simple foods and I could eat more but right after I went into the Cinacalcet therapy my appetite went down the drain.
That is why I can only eat minuscule amounts of food with less frequency. I am just having a proper meal once a day with the rest as just toast and a thinned-out coffee. Because right after my meal I would take my Cinacalcet and that will just make me nauseous which prevents me from being hungry and eat another meal in the evening because I am nauseotic and eating seems to be impossible anymore.
Now everytime I would eat it is just a force-feed type of thing. I do not get to taste the food and I do not enjoy it. I am just eating to survive now which for me is not the kind of living that I want or everyone wants for that matter.
Nobody likes to be in this situation so I am just disheartened but I have to press on with life and not give up because I am not like my father who doesn't try before giving up. I just do not like to give up while there is still hope. Anyway I cannot give-up otherwise I will feel the punishment of pain, I cannot just stick my head in the sand and pretend that things will going to be fine.
Things will going to be more ugly for me if I do not do anything about my life. I am doing everything that I can because I still wanted to live normally and not like this where I am just faced with uncertainty over my bone condition and my pain issues.
I just hope that people in the background would continue to support me because I do not want to get so miserable while I am alive. While I still can I will continue to work on my goal until I see some kind of improvement in my life. I do not want any leisure anymore but just to live near normal life, may God help me.