I have relatives that after shaking their hands you have to count your fingers as I do not trust them at all. They have cheated myself and other family members on various deals in the past through nothing other than jealousy so we stay well away and they do not exist in my world unless it is a family gathering. Through gritted teeth you smile as these events are not always easy. Those are now enemies and they know exactly where they stand with me as I do struggle with fake stuff.
We often hear the saying you can't choose your family and I had one of those moments today. There is distinct difference between family and relatives and it is very true for the majority of relatives who do not give a damn about you or any other relative. Family gatherings are just something you do which is expected to attend and is a time for relatives to offer small talk and catch up, but the majority are not direct family.
Those that follow my posts know we went to Durban recently for a number of reasons and one of those was to care for the mother in law who had taken a tumble and injured her hip. She had another tumble in the hospital whilst waiting for the operation so two major falls in a matter of a week.
The mother in law is currently recovering at my brother in laws house which is her son. Her home is with her other son who has sadly passed on. The granny flat where she resides was originally part of her house which was given to her son with the deal that they look after the parents which was agreed upon. Now the son is no longer around the daughter in law is going to sell the house.
What spurred this all on is we were changing the bathroom incorporating a walk in shower for the mother in law as a bath would be more risky getting in and out safely. Funny enough the daughter in law who has always been an odd ball was the one who originally mentioned putting a shower in.
My handyman was there today and her tune had changed from adding a shower and removing the bath tub to instead redoing the entire bathroom. This was a delay tactic and within an hour of the handyman visit told her mother in law she needs to move as she is selling the house. The son where she is currently staying does not know yet and I was joking just a few weeks ago I would nip down and fetch her parrot so she would be moved in for good.
When you compare what we did for a family member who moved into our granny flat at the Durban house back in 2006 and never moved until she passed earlier this year. At the time I did not know letting her move in was a permanent move and why when we moved to Johannesburg we never sold the house. We would have sold the property 16 or 17 years ago so we could never kick her out. I guess times have changed and maybe it is unreasonable to think looking after parents or aged family members is not a thing today.
Personally I would have expected a discussion first to see what plans could be made because this is a daughter in law and not technically family family if you get my drift. I know we would never turn a family member away because we didn't when possibly we should have as that was a relative. We shall see how this unfolds as at least both her children are very close and she will be taken care of whatever happens.
I would never want to be a burden on my kids and I know they would take care of their mother or myself no matter what. This is just how we think and there is no kicking people into old age homes. My mother was in a home only because of her illness requiring constant care or she would most likely have ended up living with my family.
This is a curve ball we kind of guessed we would be facing and this is probably the most convenient time to do this whilst she is not staying at home. The home she gave away to cover her in her golden years will be sold and as difficult as it may sound we also understand as this is not her direct family and that would lie on her other two children to jump in. I saw the exact same scenario play out with a close friend after his wife died and he then sold the family home kicking the mother in law out who had also gifted the family home to her daughter.